I gardened.

-
Why does no one use the past tense of the verb "garden?" Seriously. No one says, "I gardened today." Everyone says, "I did some gardening today." Well, because I am a linguistic rebel, I shall tell you that I gardened.

And what I did when I gardened should truly astound and impress you, enough that I expect at least a few "ooohs" and "ahhhs" at the end of this post.

I removed a shrub using nothing but a pair of old kitchen scissors and my bare hands.

This is the shrub.




These are the scissors.



These are my bare hands.


While I was performing this undeniably astounding feat (don't deny it, you denier), some form of beetle crashed into my ear, so hard that it drew blood, which I did not notice until I tried to pull my hair into a ponytail later and wondered how I got blood all over my ear. Furthermore proving, of course, just how much of an action-adventure heroine I am becoming.

I am considering retitling this blog "Adventures of One Bad-Ass Momma." But I so rarely curse, and "Bad-Butt" lacks the proper punch.

Photobucket

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse my bumbling background erasing skills

-
Image
but this is one of my favorite pics ever. Also, the other day, I bought Sarina a toy guitar at a garage sale, and there were no batteries in it. Sarina spotted the guitar and tried pressing its buttons. "It broke," she told me. "It just needs batteries," I said. She walked into the living room, pulled out the television remotes, and removed the batteries from them. "Got the batteries!" she announced. 17 months old. I love this kid. P.S. I'm getting divorced. It's not something I want to talk/post about, but it's something that's awkward having people not know about for so long. So there it is.
Read more

Dear New Writer (Who Probably Googled 'Book Publishers for New Authors' to Get Here)

-
Image
This just landed in my inbox, and I'm going to publish it here because I get a variation of this letter at least once a month. It's starting to make me a little loopy. Dear Jenna, I've completed my first manuscript a few months ago and have since received 7 acceptance letters, however 5 are from "self-publishing" companies. One from PA and one from Dorrance. PA has already sent me a sample contract and an Aug. 1st deadline but after reading your comments, now I more confused then ever. Bottom line, I have no funds for Publishing law firms nor Self-Publishing companies. I'm looking for the name of a legit company that can help me without costing an arm and a leg. Okay, new writers, this one's for you. Let's dissect what's wrong with this question: He says has received 7 acceptance letters, but five are from "self-publishing companies." (Which are not actually "acceptances," but rather sales pitches.) Our first dilemma is that he
Read more

Dear Rene Angelil

-
Image
Dear Rene, When we first met, you wanted to introduce me to everybody. Everybody. I was there to interview you and Celine for her biography, but you wanted to make sure that everyone had a chance to speak to me if they wanted to, because they were all a part of Celine's success. You introduced me to musicians, lighting and sound crew, backstage help, casino staff, the caterer... you told me the caterer's specialty and suggested I come back to try it. You introduced everyone with the same respect, the same level of importance. Later, when you walked me back out to the casino, you were beyond cordial when a group of fans came over to talk to you. It wasn't for appearances; you were so happy they were there-- so appreciative that they had traveled to come see Celine. Even though this happens every day, all the time, it still touched you and you still wanted to ask questions about their hometown. You introduced them to me, too! "When Rene likes something, he want
Read more