tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-151841292024-03-07T02:11:41.131-05:00Jenna Glatzer, GhostwriterJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comBlogger198125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-35338385805908677912016-01-14T19:40:00.000-05:002016-01-14T19:40:41.091-05:00Dear Rene Angelil<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUo1CY09M2f_IsBOlX-A7ZJ31WtqNlsTVl-9kMR58CxEILyEhzhwxg58v4KU58TTISym88vVflJKMIppGu6jIONoxgKvvRCfCOt0G0q0DJ7fhLgQautj-23FxGXrMgZ91YgjU7uw/s1600/ReneJackieSarinaMe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUo1CY09M2f_IsBOlX-A7ZJ31WtqNlsTVl-9kMR58CxEILyEhzhwxg58v4KU58TTISym88vVflJKMIppGu6jIONoxgKvvRCfCOt0G0q0DJ7fhLgQautj-23FxGXrMgZ91YgjU7uw/s320/ReneJackieSarinaMe.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Dear Rene,<br />
<br />
When we first met, you wanted to introduce me to everybody. Everybody.<br />
<br />
I was there to interview you and Celine for her biography, but you wanted to make sure that everyone had a chance to speak to me if they wanted to, because they were all a part of Celine's success. You introduced me to musicians, lighting and sound crew, backstage help, casino staff, the caterer... you told me the caterer's specialty and suggested I come back to try it. You introduced everyone with the same respect, the same level of importance.<br />
<br />
Later, when you walked me back out to the casino, you were beyond cordial when a group of fans came over to talk to you. It wasn't for appearances; you were so happy they were there-- so appreciative that they had traveled to come see Celine. Even though this happens every day, all the time, it still touched you and you still wanted to ask questions about their hometown. You introduced them to me, too!<br />
<br />
"When Rene likes something, he wants to share it with everyone," Celine told me. She was talking about your propensity for bringing in loads of food and telling the crew, "You have to try this! It's the best!" but really, it was about her, too. You were so adorably proud of her and you just wanted everyone to hear what you heard in her.<br />
<br />
Rene, in this life, you loved so well and you were loved so deeply in return. That is the pinnacle of life.<br />
<br />
In one of my early interviews with Celine, I started, "Before 1988, which was when you lost your voice onstage..."<br />
<br />
"'88 was my first kiss in Dublin!" she interrupted.<br />
<br />
"Okay, that's one historic thing, but there was another important thing that happened that year..."<br />
<br />
I was referring, of course, to the fact that she won the Eurovision Song Contest.<br />
<br />
"Who cares about the song? What about the kiss?"<br />
<br />
She turned into a giddy teenager before my eyes-- because of you. Her husband, father of her firstborn child... you were literally the only man she had ever really kissed and she still lit up at just the thought of you. That stunned me. In a world full of disposable relationships and temptation, you are the only person she ever wanted to love.<br />
<br />
Before I saw you two together, I thought about your age difference. That disappeared the minute I met both of you. All I could see was love. Stunning, once-in-a-lifetime type of love. I asked you about Celine's best and worst qualities and you struggled so hard to think of one negative thing to say. Finally, you came up with the thought that it takes her a while to wake up in the mornings. That was it. I cannot even imagine having someone love me so much that that's the only flaw they can see.<br />
<br />
You were so happy when your poker buddies came to see your wife perform. You were there every night for nearly her entire career, every performance, breathing with her, cheering her on and sending her love. And when your health faltered, it was so important to both of you that you were still there in her earpiece before each show and between numbers, telling her how wonderfully she was doing and how much you loved her.<br />
<br />
You helped this woman soar to such great heights, and she was your greatest fan in return. Your last great act of love was to get her back to performing when you knew that she would need it... when it was clear that your time was running short and you wanted her to have somewhere to be again, where she would be supported and uplifted by all of her fans and her musical family as you made your crossing.<br />
<br />
The message you left on my phone after you read the manuscript so many years ago is something I'll never forget. I can hear your voice, so soft and genuine, telling me, "I couldn’t stop reading the manuscript. It’s so well written, so good.
It was really emotional for me at some times to read what you had
written. You captured Céline so well and I’m really proud of you for
doing that. I just wanted to thank you."<br />
<br />
That is not the kind of message many biographers get from celebrity clients. I could have stayed a faceless nobody, but you both brought me into this circle of love, and it was easily one of the best experiences of my life. Both you and Celine were cut from the same cloth-- so warm, humble, and deeply caring. Somehow unjaded by the celebrity life that causes so many others to forget about anyone but themselves. <br />
<br />
I can't imagine how you felt, knowing that you were going to leave this Earth soon. But I know that yours was a life well lived, and filled with one of the greatest loves I have ever witnessed. May it carry your family and friends forward. I feel very blessed to have known you and I will always carry you in my heart. Thank you for everything.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-30650273427501968092015-05-11T00:29:00.002-04:002015-05-11T00:29:56.976-04:00Marching for Baltimore<br />
<br />
My latest op/ed for the Washington Post is about protesting police brutality without unfairly stereotyping police officers: <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/05/06/im-a-white-suburbanite-who-supports-the-police-i-marched-for-blacklivesmatter-anyway/" target="_blank">I'm a white suburbanite who supports the police. I marched for #BlackLivesMatter anyway</a> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-15943651901851245972014-12-28T17:54:00.000-05:002014-12-28T18:07:02.318-05:00One New Year's Resolution<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF3D8sVMDBERbhKhyphenhyphen91j9FXueVBf1QXafTrbvTS-XjnH91oqwR-FJlcOasjQH9NXM9BGPoCp5RKwBbZdKqnJj8POMAl6CH2h10reNYvPoDkhWVGh_m_7ifnNTAuT0QvuMaPf7R_g/s1600/IMG_3909.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF3D8sVMDBERbhKhyphenhyphen91j9FXueVBf1QXafTrbvTS-XjnH91oqwR-FJlcOasjQH9NXM9BGPoCp5RKwBbZdKqnJj8POMAl6CH2h10reNYvPoDkhWVGh_m_7ifnNTAuT0QvuMaPf7R_g/s1600/IMG_3909.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #999999;"><span style="font-size: 6;">Photo credit: Kelly ODonnell</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
First, let me tell you about our big feat earlier this month.<br />
<br />
I've wanted to be a foster mom for a long time, but that's not in the cards right now. Being a single mom with a crazy schedule isn't going to work. But every few months, I find myself drifting back to the "waiting child" websites and the encouraging "you don't have to be perfect to be a foster parent!" campaigns. I read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307984885/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0307984885&linkCode=as2&tag=jennag-20&linkId=7KIOCP7YFUTAZ5IX" target="_blank">My Orange Duffel Bag</a> by Sam Bracken and my soul sister Echo Garrett, about Sam's journey from abuse and homelessness to success.<br />
<br />
I learned about the dismal statistics for kids in foster care-- how most kids are just dumped when they turn 18, with nowhere to go and few people to help them. They often wind up in homeless shelters, and more than half of the young men wind up in prison at some point. (In fact, 70 percent of the prison population has been in foster care.) Less than 5 percent of them graduate from college, and their rates of teen pregnancy are staggering. It's all just depressing.<br />
<br />
And for a while, I struggled with guilt about not being able to <i>do</i> anything. I had a bit of tunnel vision-- thinking that the only way to make a difference was by actually becoming a foster parent. But then I began noticing organizations that are meant to improve the lives of kids and teens in foster care-- and those who are aging out-- and it opened up my mind to the idea that there were lots of ways to help.<br />
<br />
The organization I latched onto the most was <a href="http://togetherwerise.org/" target="_blank">Together We Rise</a>, a nonprofit started by a college student who had watched his cousin enter the system. I loved their Facebook posts, which not only highlighted the problems, but also empowered people to help with the solutions. They point out some of the biggest difficulties about foster care (such as that kids aging out rarely have a car or other form of transportation) and then offer up ways to help (in that case, building bikes to donate).<br />
<br />
They highlighted the case of one young woman who was aging out and wanted to go to college... but she didn't have a computer, so the organization did a quick drive to raise the money to buy her a laptop. It felt so good to be able to contribute something toward that! <br />
<br />
Then they started an initiative to take foster kids to Disneyland: 200 kids who had been separated from their siblings while in foster care. Not only did the kids get a free trip and park tickets, but they even got a little spending money for souvenirs. And I realized... I <i>can </i>help. Even if all I have to give is $10, that $10 can live on indefinitely in the form of a little souvenir pin or stuffed animal or whatever, to remind that child that <i>someone cares</i>.<br />
<br />
Because that's what it's all about, isn't it?<br />
<br />
We all do better as human beings when we feel that someone cares.<br />
<br />
So my involvement started with donating a few dollars here and there to various campaigns as I could. I admired the photos they would post of corporations hosting special events, and then one day it occurred to me: <i>Why not me? </i>I was waiting for someone else to Do Something so I could just join in, but then I realized that I'm someone.<br />
<br />
Not only am I someone, but I'm someone who wants to show her awesome daughter that this is a good world and that helping others is a joyful responsibility of ours.<br />
<br />
With that in mind, I volunteered to run an event for Together We Rise in my community: building "Sweet Cases." Most kids entering foster care are given two garbage bags to carry their belongings (which are usually meager). How lame is that? What message does that send? Together We Rise instead has a program where people can buy and decorate good-quality duffel bags for the kids, and then include a few comfort items (like a teddy bear and coloring book) and essentials (a toothbrushing kit and blanket). <br />
<br />
I put feelers out online, to see if parents from my daughter's school district might join in. <i>Oh, yes.</i> They sure would.<br />
<br />
I pestered and badgered people until we managed to break the all-time record for a community build... we raised enough money to decorate and fill 140 duffel bags. SO COOL.<br />
<br />
After that, it was a matter of setting a date, finding a location, collecting the money, scooping up a good friend for a late-night trip to Michael's and convincing the manager to let us use far too many coupons, commandeering my living room for a week, and holding the event-- which we did this month. Let me show you what it was like...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh4I8y77pNEunP48P0T78-YhdUtVQj6fNUzRZ0RKyLOuN2F63NXdETe6awYSNK5shl-6sWxan3_3e6xQytSIM2O_evSG9l7eh_ugAXVZ2-H9rsLpRxBKvCqJc4y1RpAoeTBqoljw/s1600/IMG_0830.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh4I8y77pNEunP48P0T78-YhdUtVQj6fNUzRZ0RKyLOuN2F63NXdETe6awYSNK5shl-6sWxan3_3e6xQytSIM2O_evSG9l7eh_ugAXVZ2-H9rsLpRxBKvCqJc4y1RpAoeTBqoljw/s1600/IMG_0830.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First, you need a really good helper to unload the boxes.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73qcsYo9Rv9MKjU_7MpjvdjlO-DyEmGNu8N-Rj4w5eDDNqi-KiWMRfxo1HjQsZsaN3WDREEgTN3Z1FHB7bChzdAMSqBSKsKxyEadg_TtoOxZOJmp_3PIntIhBDEpMIRDfxbRbbA/s1600/IMG_3879.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73qcsYo9Rv9MKjU_7MpjvdjlO-DyEmGNu8N-Rj4w5eDDNqi-KiWMRfxo1HjQsZsaN3WDREEgTN3Z1FHB7bChzdAMSqBSKsKxyEadg_TtoOxZOJmp_3PIntIhBDEpMIRDfxbRbbA/s1600/IMG_3879.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then you need a great space for the event. (Thanks, UUFSB!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS997U5vquhdEYxG6R89_04IAPgvGpDSv8jOaFcJhyphenhyphengq_CSQlLNOL5gu5AglwZ7A6f2YKWH2vBStZiJCO8OvdjefUX3AulZJK6yTofzd8jBctFzvNNBi5jDdeKWNCbc7XcMlLFvQ/s1600/IMG_3888.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS997U5vquhdEYxG6R89_04IAPgvGpDSv8jOaFcJhyphenhyphengq_CSQlLNOL5gu5AglwZ7A6f2YKWH2vBStZiJCO8OvdjefUX3AulZJK6yTofzd8jBctFzvNNBi5jDdeKWNCbc7XcMlLFvQ/s1600/IMG_3888.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Then you need some seriously cute Boy Scouts. This is not optional.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilRfdyjAAlLrr9ot8MQ0RqxVY3RPJ9xKCsysqSJVd9MVejf6FtlIHZbdh-q0U4DwEQC_sR2Ql4qr5Z6JzU9v223pdH399BBGr55qw0gUD8qw3YFdDmwwSobsVSLQj9vbNBsj4KDA/s1600/IMG_3901.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilRfdyjAAlLrr9ot8MQ0RqxVY3RPJ9xKCsysqSJVd9MVejf6FtlIHZbdh-q0U4DwEQC_sR2Ql4qr5Z6JzU9v223pdH399BBGr55qw0gUD8qw3YFdDmwwSobsVSLQj9vbNBsj4KDA/s1600/IMG_3901.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And voila! Together, you all paint designs on these cool duffel bags and stuff them with good stuff.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXRAkk8bsyEJrOn48m4Fp1gaAgqvohKBzKN1MsGE1RhER42WHFtimH74gIGoMC8F5bWxikNV8uHsFvc9t2Yur6h48cHRzCySnOQuGeO5BCeaFghvp3PqC3zt59EPwEQBahYLm-Q/s1600/IMG_0834.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXRAkk8bsyEJrOn48m4Fp1gaAgqvohKBzKN1MsGE1RhER42WHFtimH74gIGoMC8F5bWxikNV8uHsFvc9t2Yur6h48cHRzCySnOQuGeO5BCeaFghvp3PqC3zt59EPwEQBahYLm-Q/s1600/IMG_0834.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's one of my bags!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi40HpV0j7SK-7_LGgqwLBJwpB8dudf3WHQUH6XZCz78j8Z28-RdtPbXuUgpMoxfxa0Hr_U7hDJP28vI4gmw5qGTpVjB0fF2ujmmOB5G5loavvrWdtwBKj46dD70gJkQn6Uim9YPA/s1600/IMG_0842.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi40HpV0j7SK-7_LGgqwLBJwpB8dudf3WHQUH6XZCz78j8Z28-RdtPbXuUgpMoxfxa0Hr_U7hDJP28vI4gmw5qGTpVjB0fF2ujmmOB5G5loavvrWdtwBKj46dD70gJkQn6Uim9YPA/s1600/IMG_0842.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A bit of the aftermath...</td></tr>
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After the event, my aunt and I drove the bags over to <a href="http://www.littleflowerny.org/" target="_blank">Little Flower Children and Family Services </a>(yep, it took a few trips!). They not only provide foster placements and training for foster parents, but also have residential facilities for teens with medical and behavioral problems, as well as mother-and-child facilities for teen moms in foster care. They do a ton of good. And of course, as I researched them, I learned what else they need... sure, some tangible items like outerwear and toys for the holidays, but also lots of volunteers in various capacities-- such as answering phones, writing newsletters, painting a mural in one of the group homes, and mentoring.<br />
<br />
My mind raced with the many ways I could be of use. Do I know how to answer a phone? YES, I DO. Can I write the heck out of a newsletter? YES, I CAN. Could I paint a mural? DID YOU SEE MY FISH UP THERE? Mentoring? THINK OF THE SUBVERSIVE IDEAS I COULD INFLICT ON THOSE KIDS!<br />
<br />
I think sometimes it's overwhelming to realize how much you can do, and then get stuck in that abyss of possibility and forget to act. And so that's my New Year's Resolution: to be more useful. To act on my usefulness.<br />
<br />
Want to join me?<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-68566188095185720502014-09-08T20:38:00.000-04:002014-09-08T20:38:28.804-04:00Never Ever Give Up: Two For One!<br />
<br />
This is pretty sweet... Barnes & Noble is going to be featuring Never Ever Give Up: The Inspiring Story of Jessie and Her JoyJars on their "New Release" tables in their big stores from September 9-22, and they're also recommending it as a Top Teen Pick! (Thanks, Barnes & Noble!) That's pretty huge for us-- and to celebrate, Jessie's dad Erik is offering an amazing deal:<br />
<br />
Take a picture of the book at Barnes & Noble. Buy a copy and send him the picture. (I don't want to list his email address here and subject him to spammers, so instead I'll tell you to write to him through the website: <a href="http://www.negu.org/">www.negu.org</a>.) In return, now through the 22nd, he will send you a signed copy FREE! So you get to keep one and give one to a friend.<br />
<br />
If you want to make sure it's available near you, check Barnes & Noble here:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/never-ever-give-up-erik-rees/1117061339?ean=9780310337607" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/never-ever-give-up-erik-rees/1117061339?ean=9780310337607 " border="0" src="http://img2.imagesbn.com/p/9780310337607_p0_v3_s260x420.JPG" height="320" width="209" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Next to the "Add to Bag" button is a link that says "Pick Up in Store." Click that and it'll ask for your zip code to check the inventory of stores near you.<big> </big><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">If we can sell a lot of copies between now and the 22nd, we'll
have a good shot of making bestseller lists,
which would be amazing for the foundation and a lifelong dream of
mine. Please help us by forwarding this along and sharing this
great offer... because, really, you get a great book, your friend
gets a great book, you help kids with cancer... IT DOESN'T GET
BETTER THAN THAT! ;)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">*I'd also like to thank our publisher, Zondervan. Most people probably aren't aware of this, but authors know-- it costs the publishers money to get books onto those front tables and endcaps at big bookstore chains. They call it "co-op" marketing. Basically, the bookstore has to agree that the book is worth putting there and has a good chance of being a big seller, and the publisher has to pay for the placement. So it's a pretty nice compliment for an author when your book ends up there-- means that both the publisher and the bookstore had to agree that the book has big potential! </span><br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-67234160566973712222014-09-03T19:09:00.000-04:002014-09-04T01:52:15.651-04:00Childhood Cancer Month: Jessie ReesOne of my high school friends, Cliff Gibbons, went through a tough cancer battle a couple of years ago. He became more in tune with other people who were struggling, too, and realized that he couldn't even imagine going through it as a kid.<br />
<br />
He posted a link on Facebook to a fan page for Jessie Rees, an 11-year-old who'd recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She and her dad kept up the page, frequently updating it to let people know what she was up to, how treatments were going, and asking for prayers. I became a fan of hers and followed her journey.<br />
<br />
The amazing thing about it was that Jessie immediately wanted to do something positive. She saw that there was a floor full of kids at her hospital (Children's Hospital of Orange County) who didn't go home in between treatments the way she did. So she asked her parents, "How can we help them?"<br />
<br />
They were too caught up in the fact that their own daughter was just starting cancer treatments to give much of an answer-- they were focused on her survival. But Jessie didn't wait for them to come up with an idea; she went home that day, sat in the kitchen, and began decorating lunch bags with get well messages and stickers. Then she began putting all her Beanie Babies in the bags.<br />
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This is the video that gave me goosebumps and made me fall in love with Jessie:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/c95EUjw28KM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<br />
Her dad spoke to the nurses and found out that it was fine for them to bring in gifts for the other kids, but everything had to be brand new (to avoid spreading germs to kids with compromised immune systems). That was the day JoyJars were born.<br />
<br />
Jessie, along with members of her swim team, church, school, and community, began assembling plastic jars full of fun little toys to give out to kids battling cancer, to spread her message: Never, Ever Give up (NEGU).<br />
<br />
Jessie lived for 10 months after her diagnosis. It was heartbreaking to read that she had moved to heaven, and I expected the JoyJars movement to end with her. Months later, I was inspired by the way her father carried on her legacy. It's not just that he continued sending out the jars; it became bigger and bigger, expanding to include other types of help for families of kids with cancer, going international with the foundation, holding a beautiful gala every year... Now, nearly 100,000 kids have received JoyJars across the world.<br />
<br />
I reached out to Erik to ask if he'd thought about writing a book about Jessie. I said I would love to help. My timing was perfect; he indeed did want to write a book, but felt it was just too close to home to be able to get perspective. We worked on it together, with an excellent editor (Sandra Vander Zicht). All of us were so proud of how it turned out.<br />
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Part of the book's proceeds go to the Jessie Rees Foundation, to fund more JoyJars and other services for kids going through cancer treatment.<br />
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The book was released yesterday-- appropriately, because September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Never Ever Give Up is now in bookstores and online, both in paperback and Kindle format. I have such high hopes that it'll become a bestseller and that the foundation will be able to help even more kids.<br />
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I hope you'll buy a copy for yourself or anyone else who could use a dose of inspiration today.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310337607/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310337607&linkCode=as2&tag=jennag-20&linkId=ERFU77WRBGKQXNXS" target="_blank"><img alt=" Never Ever Give Up" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgngT0KflvLvrHES5NZq34K6aouxgNZkkJgt-vNiS1DvWoG8pOdvMvTXbcu9_AvV6aj7xEaYCbctlY0aP58VG1DqWGZO1NAN5WVYQ78spzDq-B0YARcnuwKriC32a0aN9LyG2F6yA/s1600/negu.JPG" height="320" width="209" /></a></div>
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-15918533632970589962014-06-17T13:24:00.001-04:002014-06-18T18:53:09.969-04:00#YesAllWomen and MeI'm an infrequent Tweeter. Don't spend much time on Twitter, but I recently read about the #YesAllWomen movement and realized I had way too much to add to it. I chose one story I thought I could tell in 140 characters, posted it, and forgot about it.<br />
<br />
The story is this: I was on a crowded train in Boston. I was about 18. There were no seats left, so I held onto a strap. An Asian man moved over to stand right behind me. I thought that was odd... there were other places to stand. Even right next to me would have been fine, but why did he need to stand right behind me? Then I felt him pressing up against me.<br />
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At first I thought it must have been an accident. I was profoundly uncomfortable, but said nothing. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe he was oblivious. Then he shifted and pressed into me harder. I still thought he might be oblivious, but I moved over. He followed me and did it again.<br />
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Now I was terrified. I looked around me on the train, trying to make eye contact with anyone. I thought about slapping him or kicking him or even just screaming, but I was too paralyzed with fear. No one would look at me. It seemed to me that people were intentionally looking away. This predated our obsession with cell phones, so it wasn't that everyone was preoccupied... people were just staring off into space. There were no workers around, so I just left the train at the next (unfamiliar) stop and walked home.<br />
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When I got there, I beat myself up. Why didn't I DO anything? Why didn't I SAY anything? I didn't want to talk to anyone that night. I was too busy being mad at myself for letting this guy get away with it, because I knew it meant he would do it to someone else.<br />
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I was brought up to be unfailingly polite. I'd been taught to always respect adults and never to embarrass anyone. But by this time in my life, I knew better-- I knew that politeness could get you kidnapped, raped, beat up, killed. <br />
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It had been such a strange experience on the train that I didn't even know how to process it until it was over. I really was naive enough to think that the man was just not realizing that he was pressed up against me in a sexual way-- until he followed me after I moved. Then I knew it was no mistake. I was disturbed enough that I went online looking for stories, to see if this had happened to others. What I found out was that this wasn't a rare occurrence-- it was an epidemic in some areas of the world. There was even a word for it:<br />
<br />
frotteurism.<br />
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Any doubt I had about whether or not it was intentional now vanished for good. This was a crime and men were getting away with it because they counted on women being meek, like I was.<br />
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Had this been my only bad experience with men, I would count myself very lucky. It was unnerving, but mild compared to many other experiences. If you've read this blog before, you probably know that I was kidnapped and raped by a serial rapist when I was 10 years old. I took a self-defense class after that, when I was 14, but the sensei kept making comments about my breasts. My first boyfriend was physically and verbally abusive and told me what I could and could not wear and who I could talk to. He beat up any boys he found talking to me in class. I can't count how many times he got suspended from school and I had to covertly apologize to whoever he beat up. He threatened to kill my whole family if I ever left him, and I believed him. The only reason I got away was that he eventually went into the military.<br />
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With one notable exception, all the men I dated after that were nice guys. Mostly really nice guys. I never had a thing for "bad boys"-- the first guy just fooled me. Most of my friends were male; I never grew to think that all men (or even most men) were jerks.<br />
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I'm not the meek and polite kid I was once anymore, nor am I naive. Having a daughter has made me much more aware of the people around us. When a strange man leered at her in a store and asked how old she was, I didn't make polite conversation and assume his best intentions as I might have before. I walked away. Who knows? Maybe he was a kindly old man and I misinterpreted the "leering." But that's not my concern anymore. I will gladly risk being a little rude in the interest of keeping my daughter safe.<br />
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But now let me tell you about the reaction on Twitter.<br />
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I didn't know about any of this until today. I'm not sure why, but I never got any notifications of responses. Probably for the best. But today, a friend pointed me to this article: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/why-i-give-a-damn-about-yesallwomen-adult-content/<br />
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It made me go back and read some of the responses to my original Tweet:<br />
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="537504567" href="https://twitter.com/MHucknell"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">mick hucknell</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>MHucknell</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/MHucknell/status/472960186614050816" title="12:37 AM - 1 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401597470000" data-time="1401597470">Jun 1</span></a>
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You are aware that trains have seats so these things can't happen right?</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="154427744" href="https://twitter.com/TheDeadlyAngel"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Chris Speed</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>TheDeadlyAngel</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/TheDeadlyAngel/status/472967380260225024" title="1:06 AM - 1 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401599185000" data-time="1401599185">Jun 1</span></a>
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is that why you love train so much?</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="2569225451" href="https://twitter.com/BeefcakeAvatar"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Matthew Adams</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>BeefcakeAvatar</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/BeefcakeAvatar/status/472964914190254080" title="12:56 AM - 1 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401598597000" data-time="1401598597">Jun 1</span></a>
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It wasn't my fault, it was a bumpy ride.</div>
<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="708022945" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot">
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<b><a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="178677553" href="https://twitter.com/shamit4u247"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Shamit4u247 </b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>shamit4u247</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/shamit4u247/status/473024308428939264" title="4:52 AM - 1 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401612758000" data-time="1401612758">Jun 1</span></a>
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oh please, what were you doin when he was pressing himself against you? huh? enjoying yourself?</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="110916939" href="https://twitter.com/Spike_X7"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">The Glue God</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>Spike_X7</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" data-original-title="10:54 AM - 1 Jun 2014" href="https://twitter.com/Spike_X7/status/473115379691429889"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401634471000" data-time="1401634471">Jun 1</span></a>
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Yes it's hard to imagine strangers on a train aren't always checking you out. The nerve of the populace not being glued 2 you</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="708022945" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot">
<b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Señor Suerte</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>NotTheBot</b></span>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot/status/473001980844326912" title="3:23 AM - 1 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1401607434000" data-time="1401607434">Jun 1</span></a>
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I would have watched the whole thing and probably touched myself later. <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PutOut2SaveLives?src=hash"><s>#</s><b>PutOut2SaveLives</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AlreadyDidThoRight?src=hash"><s>#</s><b>AlreadyDidThoRight</b></a> <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SingleMomProof?src=hash"><s>#</s><b>SingleMomProof</b></a></div>
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One man spoke up on my behalf and wrote this:</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="565301160" href="https://twitter.com/slsprojectz"><b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Savage Light Studios</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>slsprojectz</b></span>
</a>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" href="https://twitter.com/slsprojectz/status/477901828110426112" title="3:54 PM - 14 Jun 2014"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1402775649000" data-time="1402775649">Jun 14</span></a>
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<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot"><s>@</s><b>NotTheBot</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/GhostwriterJG"><s>@</s><b>GhostwriterJG</b></a> touched yourself later?I can only say this. You make me sad you really do. I hope your mother reads your feed.</div>
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This was the response:</div>
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<a class="account-group js-account-group js-action-profile js-user-profile-link js-nav" data-user-id="708022945" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot">
<b class="fullname js-action-profile-name show-popup-with-id">Señor Suerte</b>
<span class="username js-action-profile-name"><s>@</s><b>NotTheBot</b></span>
</a>
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<a class="tweet-timestamp js-permalink js-nav js-tooltip" data-original-title="6:31 PM - 14 Jun 2014" href="https://twitter.com/NotTheBot/status/477941354924761088"><span class="_timestamp js-short-timestamp " data-long-form="true" data-time-ms="1402785073000" data-time="1402785073">Jun 14</span></a>
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<a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/slsprojectz"><s>@</s><b>slsprojectz</b></a> <a class="twitter-atreply pretty-link" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/GhostwriterJG"><s>@</s><b>GhostwriterJG</b></a> I did indeed, while imagining this very scenario. Stop white knighting you already know she puts out <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/kidsRproof?src=hash"><s>#</s><b>kidsRproof</b></a></div>
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I'm not sure where to even start, but I'll just address that last one... the man ascertained from my profile that I'm a single mom. Therefore, because I had sex with the man who was my husband and it resulted in a child, I "put out" and now any man is allowed to sexually assault me. No, really, that's the logic.</div>
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Where do we go from here? </div>
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It saddens me that the #YesAllWomen tag that was supposed to help others see what women go through on a regular basis just to stay safe has turned out this way... it's like shining a light on cockroaches. What it's done is to show exactly why we need this movement-- because there ARE lots of other Elliott Rodgers in the world, who feel entitled to have sex with any women they want. Who brag about how many women they've raped. Who get off on intimidating and victimizing us, and then insulting any man who would stand up for us. "White knighting?" Yes, thank you-- we need lots more of those. </div>
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Let's be clear: <b>It is not okay to sexually assault anyone at any time under any circumstances.</b></div>
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No matter what they're wearing. No matter what they're doing. No matter what you think of their life choices. No matter who you are, who they are, who your parents are, or how entitled you feel. </div>
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<b>It's not okay to blame the victim for being victimized.</b></div>
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No matter what they're wearing. No matter what they're doing. No matter
what you think of their life choices. No matter who you are, who they
are, who your parents are, or how entitled you feel. </div>
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I'm not normally one to link profanity-laden tirades, but I'll make an exception here. If all witnesses took a stand like this, don't you think rape culture would end?</div>
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-36238707012584908612014-06-03T23:30:00.000-04:002014-06-04T01:04:55.828-04:00When "Free Range Parenting" Goes Too FarI just read an article on Salon that bothered me a lot.<br />
<br />
It's here: <a href="http://www.salon.com/2014/06/03/the_day_i_left_my_son_in_the_car" target="_blank">The Day I Left My Son In the Car.</a><br />
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In short, the writer tried to run an errand with her 4-year-old, but he didn't want to go into the store, so she left him in the car for 5 minutes or so while she went in to shop.<br />
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A bystander saw this, recorded it, and called police. The writer spends much of the article minimizing her actions: it wasn't hot, it was just a quick errand, all her friends are doing it, it's no big deal. She's very mad at the person who called police. And the comments mostly mirror her thoughts-- no big deal, no real risk.<br />
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In fact, the comment that set me off was this one: "The risk of anything bad happening in those 5 minutes was so absolutely miniscule to not be worth mentioning."<br />
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I'm here as a reminder of that miniscule risk.<br />
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I was kidnapped and raped by a serial rapist when I was 10 years old. Maybe others don't think it's worth mentioning, but it was quite not fun when it happened to me.<br />
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Every time I see parents getting all huffy about how they should be allowed to let their kids roam free, walk to school, and so on, all I can think is this: You never think it's going to happen to you until it happens to you.<br />
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Earlier this year, a baby was kidnapped when his <a href="http://www.wbir.com/story/news/local/north-knoxville/2014/02/21/car-stolen-with-baby-inside-in-north-knoxville/5672035/" target="_blank">mother left him unattended</a> in a car while she went in to a store.<a href="http://www.click2houston.com/news/teen-abducted-forced-into-car-while-walking-to-school/25611182" target="_blank"> Here's</a> a teenage girl who was abducted on her way to school this April. Leiby Kletsky was 8 when he was murdered and dismembered <a href="http://www.crimelibrary.com/blog/article/the-abduction-and-murder-of-little-leiby-kletzky/index.html" target="_blank">walking home from camp</a> for the first time. Etan Patz has been missing since he was 6 years old because he was allowed to <a href="http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mind/psychology/child_abduction/index.html" target="_blank">walk two blocks to school alone</a>. This 2-month old was <a href="http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Child-Reportedly-Abducted-in-Stephenville-258645391.html" target="_blank">kidnapped from a car</a> last month while her mother was unloading groceries. This 5-year-old girl was <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/15/justice/pennsylvania-teen-heroes/" target="_blank">kidnapped from her front yard</a>, where she'd been left unattended, last year.<br />
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We are not just statistics. We exist. Far too many of us. Learn from us so that these things don't happen to your children. It's not some self-righteous feminist movement to let kids roam free... it's lazy parenting that needs to stop. <br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-15399261782174360312014-06-02T23:30:00.000-04:002014-06-03T00:07:50.568-04:00The Care and Feeding of Your GhostwriterPeople sometimes say to me, "It must be SO HARD having someone else get credit for your writing!" But it's not, really. Just about all of my clients have remained my friends, and I'm very happy to see them succeed. And maybe I've just worked with really nice people, but the majority of them not only do give me a shared cover credit (by So and So with Jenna Glatzer), but also make it a point to thank me in the acknowledgments and mention me in interviews when they can. I feel I get plenty of credit most of the time. (If you're wondering who usually doesn't want to acknowledge my role, I'll tell you: doctors. I guess they worry it puts their expertise in question.)<br />
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What I usually write are memoirs and true crime stories, and here's what really IS hard: dialogue.<br />
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Often, the toughest part of writing someone else's story is trying to come up with dialogue that will help the reader get a sense of everyone's voice and personality. But interviewees rarely want to tell me what a conversation went like because they're worried they're not saying it just right, or misremembering some of it. But listen, if you're working with a ghostwriter, understand this: No one expects the dialogue to be exact. None of us have perfect memories. Readers don't need exact dialogue unless it's some key part of the story where words really count, like a crime confession or someone's last words.<br />
<br />
A memoir without dialogue is really boring. Readers need breaks from paragraphs of exposition, and dialogue keeps things lively. So keep that in mind when a ghostwriter interviews you: Try to give more than a few words when the writer asks, "What was that conversation like?" Whatever you remember will be helpful. We don't know these people and their voices; we need you to give us a sense of it.<br />
<br />
Here are some other ways you can help your ghostwriter:<br />
<br />
-Don't cancel interviews at the last minute. Of course we know that emergencies happen, but understand that most of us plan out our work schedules based around interviews.<br />
<br />
-Write out a timeline. If your story is intricate, give the writer a page or two of background showing the important dates and events.<br />
<br />
-Don't ask your writer to interview every person you've ever met. I'm not sure why this is, but there is a tendency among people whose books I've written to want me to talk to dozens of people... the book is in your voice. It's your memories. There are often a few key people who the ghostwriter should talk to, to get a fuller picture-- people who may remember things that you've forgotten, or who can put things in context. But keep a limit on this, knowing that the writer is going to spend time interviewing and transcribing each call. She probably doesn't need to talk to your 4th grade softball coach.<br />
<br />
-Remember that she doesn't necessarily know your industry/acronyms/slang. I've had clients who've said things like, "So I went to the RBA to get my t-drat from the Magman," and I'm not even sure where to start the question... "Wait, you went to the who-what-where now?" When in doubt, spell it out.<br />
<br />
-If you've written diaries, letters, or notes of any kind relating to your story, we want to read them. Don't be afraid to send us things-- we're not going to judge your writing skills. We're pretty glad you're not professional writers... that's why we get to have jobs.<br />
<br />
-Don't use speakerphone. One of the most frustating experiences in ghostwriting is when I go to transcribe an interview and can't make out half of what the person said... because the phone connection is bad, the person is using speakerphone or a bad Bluetooth device, or because the person mumbles.<br />
<br />
-Slow down. The other difficult thing about transcribing is speed: Whether the writer transcribes with a voice recognition program or by typing, we still need time between phrases. It really helps when interviewees speak clearly and slowly.<br />
<br />
-Don't expect us to follow feedback from multiple people. As your writer, I expect to get editing notes from you and your editor (and your agent during the book proposal stage). Anyone beyond that is too many people. I can't be expected to take feedback from your brother, your cousin, your best friend, and your former English teacher. Everyone is going to have an opinion, but you have to trust that your writer and editor are the professionals and that we're going to have your best interest and the book's best interest at heart.<br />
<br />
...And that's about it! We ghostwriters aren't that hard to please. Most of us know that we have pretty awesome jobs, after all.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-19827711058487850122014-06-01T00:11:00.001-04:002014-06-01T00:29:41.081-04:00Yes, All Women and Not All Men<br />
<br />
I've followed a bit of the "YesAllWomen" and "NotAllMen" Twitter stuff, and as usual, it's taken me a few days to put my thoughts together.<br />
<br />
Here's what I'd like to say to the men:<br />
<br />
Guys, of course we know that you're not all woman-hating sleazebuckets. But too many men are. That's why women are too often put into situations where we have to worry about our personal safety, even when we've been cautious.<br />
<br />
I don't go to bars because men do creepy things there. Do you ever think to yourself, "I'm not going to go to a bar tonight because a woman may scare me, follow me to my car, and not take 'no' for an answer?"<br />
<br />
I can't put those cute little stickers on the back of my car showing my real family dynamic: just me and my daughter, because if I do, it's more likely that a man will see that I'm unprotected and break into my home.<br />
<br />
I hold my keys between my fingers in parking garages in case I need to jab a would-be attacker.<br />
<br />
I've been stalked online and in person-- once by a professor. (My online stalker killed himself in police custody.) I've been followed from the train to the subway to my would-be college (decided I couldn't handle the city as a young woman). It's made it much harder to trust anyone.<br />
<br />
I was riding the train, holding a strap, when a man came over and pressed himself up against my backside and insisted on sharing my strap even though there were several straps open all over the car.<br />
<br />
My first boyfriend hit me with a seatbelt to my face. I was 14. My father said I probably deserved it.<br />
<br />
I cannot say "I'm not interested" to a man who hits on me. I have to say, "I have a boyfriend," because I know from experience that "I'm not interested" doesn't stop most men. It turns into, "Why not?" and "You're a bitch." (Of course, even "I have a boyfriend" doesn't always work. "I have a boyfriend who has served prison time for assault, and he's on his way over here" sometimes works better.)<br />
<br />
I've given fake phone numbers for the same reason-- because it's less dangerous than saying, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to give you my phone number."<br />
<br />
There should not be pepper spray in my bag and 911 programmed into my phone when I go on a first date.<br />
<br />
Guys, I still think the majority of you are A-OK, but you have to understand that this fear and defensiveness shouldn't be part of a woman's daily existence. It would be pretty amazing if more of you paid attention and put other guys in their place when they're being creepy to women. I really don't know what effect it would have because I've so rarely seen it, but maybe next time you see a drunken butthead invading a woman's personal space and not leaving her alone, you could join forces with a friend and "redirect" the man to the nearest exit. Maybe when you hear guys making sexist or hateful jokes about women, you could say, "Not cool" instead of laughing along. I don't understand why many decent men stay friends with that one jerk who makes all the women uncomfortable. Straighten him out or ditch him. He isn't funny.<br />
<br />
Just recognizing that the problem exists and wanting to do more than just throw your hands in the air and say, "I'M not like that" would go a long way toward helping. At the very least, it would be nice to know that our surroundings are mostly made up of our allies.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-52151386095931196692014-03-17T22:34:00.000-04:002014-03-17T22:35:40.981-04:00Adventures of a Top Amazon ReviewerI'm a top-500 Amazon reviewer, which means that companies and authors
often write to ask me to review their stuff. I look forward to that and
usually love doing it, but every now and then a request comes in that's
really unethical, obnoxious, or crazy. Herewith, I present some of my
least favorite types of review requests so that if you are a company or
author seeking reviewers on Amazon, you'll have a better idea what we
top Amazon reviewers like and don't like.<br />
<br />
<b>1. "Please help me out."</b><br />
<br />
Probably
my most frequently-received bad request is from self-published authors
asking me to help them out because "this is my first novel and I put it
on Amazon yesterday and I could really use feedback!" I don't review out
of pity. I don't select anything for review that I wouldn't have been
interested enough to consider buying, so I won't review things that
sound amateurish or are in genres that don't interest me a lot.<br />
<br />
As
a reviewer with a conscience, my loyalty is not to the author. I'm not
writing to "help you out" (unless I happen to LOVE your book, in which
case it'll make me feel good to know that my review might boost your
success-- but that's a side benefit). I'm reviewing to help potential
buyers decide whether or not it's worth spending money and time on your
book or product. If I don't start out with some confidence that I'm
going to like it, I won't accept it for review in part because it
doesn't give me any pleasure to harshly review a new writer's work. Most
poorly-written books sink on their own, without my help.<br />
<br />
<b>2. "Review this thing I'm not going to send you."</b><br />
<br />
This
one blew my mind. A man who was selling canvas artwork prints on Amazon
wrote a polite letter asking me if I would please review any of his
products.<br />
<br />
"Thanks for the offer!" I wrote back, along with a list of three or four prints I'd love to review.<br />
<br />
"Okay, if I ever get enough money to send one to you, I will," he said.<br />
<br />
Wha?<br />
<br />
I
wasn't sure if I was misinterpreting-- had he seriously sent me that
original request in the hopes that I'd review canvas artwork that I'd
never seen? And then I found the proof-- he'd actually convinced another
reviewer to do just that. She went around on all his paintings writing
five-star reviews that said things like, "This looks nice! I'm sure it
would be nice on my living room wall," and "This looks like something
I'd love to own because I sure do like the color blue!"<br />
<br />
*Headsmack.*
People, if you're not actually going to send a product, don't ask for a
review. You're asking me to recommend something I've never even seen,
and that's nutty and likely to backfire on you badly if you hit upon a
reviewer more snarky than I am. <br />
<br />
<b>3. "Positive reviews only."</b><br />
<br />
I
was interested in reviewing hair extensions until the proprietor told
me that she would send them to me, but that she would EXPECT me to shout
from the rooftops about how great they were "even if you hate them,
which I doubt you will."<br />
<br />
No, you don't get to buy my
integrity with a set of hair extensions. If I hate them, I'm going to
say so. I won't expect you to send me anything else unless you're
masochistic, but I'm still going to be honest.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Frequent follow-ups.</b><br />
<br />
I
review as quickly as I can, but that's not always quick. Most companies
are respectful of that and either don't follow up at all, or just nudge
me once, and that's cool. But then there are the ones that follow up
within days to "make sure you got it," then a day or two later to "see
if you have any questions," another day or two later to "check in with
you," etc. I tend to put those people at the end of my to-review list.<br />
<br />
<b>5. "I've put you on my mailing list."</b><br />
<br />
If
I agree to review your vitamin B-12 pills, that doesn't mean that I
want to be on your weekly roundup of specials and "helpful nutritional
facts." It just means I've agreed to review one thing. You can ASK if I
want to be on your mailing list, but don't ever put me there without my
permission. It's not likely to influence my review in a positive way.<br />
<br />
<b>6. "First, I'll slam your competing reviews."</b><br />
<br />
One
of the ways we become "top reviewers" is by the percentage and number
of "helpful" votes we get on our reviews. If readers find our reviews
very helpful, we move up the ranks, and if they vote us unhelpful, we
move down the ranks. What I've noticed is an annoying trend. Let's say
I've given a positive review to an external battery. It's just sitting
there with a couple of "helpful" votes. Then I get an "unhelpful" vote,
quickly followed by a request for me to review a competitor's product.<br />
<br />
Look,
we're not dumb. But voting our reviews as "unhelpful" and then asking
us to review your stuff is nasty, and doesn't help your cause. You can
vote all the positive reviews as "unhelpful" and it'll never make them
disappear or count less. Just produce a great product and let it stand
on its own merits. If it deserves to win out in the marketplace, then
reviewers will note that.<br />
<br />
<b>7. "I want video reviews, in six languages."</b><br />
<br />
Don't
ask too much of your reviewers. Many are now requesting video reviews--
which is fine to request, but not demand-- and asking us to also put up
our reviews on other sites. One informed me that I was to also put my
review on Amazon.co.uk, which would have required me to start a new
account on that site for the sheer purpose of publicizing their product.
No thank you.<br />
<br />
<b>8. Bribes for good reviews.</b><br />
<br />
It's
explicitly against Amazon's rules to offer reviewers money or any sorts
of perks aside from the free product itself. Unless you're offering me a
trip to Hawaii, in which case your secret is safe with me. (KIDDING.
Mostly.)<br />
<br />
On the other hand, one of the nicest review
experiences I've had came from a company with just one product on the
market. I did a video review (they didn't ask me to-- I just thought it
was awesome and wanted to show how it worked), and the review got a lot
of attention and comments. That December, the owners of the company sent
me a little Christmas present and a beautiful thank you card. What a
nice touch! They weren't buttering me up to review anything else-- it
was just a sweet gesture to thank me for taking the time to do the
review.<br />
<br />
<b>9. We know about form letters.</b><br />
<br />
"Dear
Jenna Glatzer: I have read many of your reviews and found them quite
well-written and helpful! You seem to be a perfect candidate to review
our new product..."<br />
<br />
Several of us reviewers know each
other online. Sometimes we compare notes, and often what we find is that
everyone in the top 100, 500, or 1000 got exactly the same e-mail.
Flattery is nice and all, but sincerity is nicer. It's okay to admit
that you simply found us on a list of top Amazon reviewers, not that you
particularly noticed us while you were reading reviews as an
entertaining hobby. Our feelings won't be hurt. It's nice that you're offering us stuff to review regardless of how you found us.<br />
<br />
--<br />
Please understand that we're also required to disclose that we got the product free for review.<br />
<br />
Again, these types of experiences are in the minority. The majority of my experiences as a reviewer have been good (or great). <br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-42015821971288827872013-12-11T11:12:00.002-05:002013-12-11T11:12:39.194-05:00BlissLights winner!Congratulations to Jennifer Kennedy! Random.org chose you as the winner of the BlissLights green Spright. Hope it helps to light up your holidays!<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-38347614899817166822013-12-03T03:52:00.000-05:002013-12-05T00:38:39.143-05:00BlissLights: The Easiest Christmas Lights EverOn Halloween, we admired a neighbor's house-- it was lit up with thousands of tiny green lights. Looked a lot like this: <br />
<img alt="BlissLights Outdoor Indoor Firefly Light Projector with Timer" id="enlImage3" src="http://images-p.qvc.com/is/image/h/56/h200056.008" style="display: block;" title="BlissLights Outdoor Indoor Firefly Light Projector with Timer" />On first glance, it looked like she had hung icicle lights all over the house, but when we got closer, we realized the lights were projected from a small device on the edge of her walkway: "BlissLights," it read.<br />
<br />
I asked the woman who owned the house about it and she said, "Aren't they great? I found them on QVC. When it's Christmas time, I just add the red lights, too."<br />
<br />
Not only did I think it looked great-- like stars in the night sky-- but it dawned on me that this was <i>exactly</i> what I wanted for my new house. This marks my first year as a single homeowner, and it hasn't gone as smoothly as one might hope in my situation... mold in the kitchen cabinets, a contractor who ruined my floor, a broken washing machine, no heat... the problems have seemed never-ending, and most of them are beyond my abilities to fix. I pride myself on being a quasi-handy woman, and thought I'd be able to handle most of my house stuff myself. Nope. I've been outsmarted again and again when it comes to electrical, plumbing, and other major issues, and I've had a mix of honest and dishonest contractors here. Seems that when they realize they're dealing with a single mom, about half of them decide to be generous and helpful and the other half think, "I can get away with anything! There's no man here to check my work."<br />
<br />
Anyway, now that the holidays are rolling around, the last thing I could do was to hire someone else to come hang my Christmas lights for me-- and I was not up for climbing a ladder to reach my second-story roof. Honestly, I've done the lights every year in every house I've rented, but they've always been single-story houses and it's still been my least-favorite Christmas chore. I don't like being on a ladder. I don't like figuring out how to program the timer, or remembering to turn on and off the lights every night. I don't like taking the lights back down in the bitter cold of January. I don't like the whole process, but I do it because I have an awesome little daughter and I want her to live in a house full of Christmas spirit. I don't want to be the Grinch of the block with no beautiful lights.<br />
<br />
But this. This is amazeballs.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you how you set up BlissLights: <br />
<br />
You plug it in.<br />
<br />
That's it.<br />
<br />
Not only do you get to avoid the whole ladder thing and stringing lights thing, but you even get to avoid the timer-- when you plug it in, it automatically remembers the time you plugged it in and it stays on for six hours every night starting at the time you originally plugged it in. So if you plug it in at 5 p.m., your lights will go on every night from 5-11 p.m. If you decide you don't like the time you originally plugged it in, all you do is unplug it and replug it at the time you DO want it to come on.<br />
<br />
It's weatherproof and comes with a stake to stake it into the ground wherever you choose. You can light up the outside or inside of your house, your landscaping, a big tree, whatever. The green light is the brightest and shows up best; blue is the next best, and red won't show well on landscaping. BlissLights sent me the green <a href="http://www.blisslights.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=83&Itemid=101" target="_blank">Spright</a> to review. It can cover an area up to 25' by 25', so you might need just one (like me) or you might need more than one for full coverage.<br />
<br />
<b>GIVEAWAY</b><br />
<br />
Now for the even cooler part. BlissLights is also going to give one of my readers the same light they gave me-- the green Spright, which is currently backordered.<br />
<br />
Hey, thanks, BlissLights!<br />
<br />
Enter now through 11:59 p.m. EST on December 9, and I'll announce the winner on December 10. Here's how to enter:<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">MANDATORY:</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/BlissLights/133424712794" target="_blank">"Like" BlissLights on Facebook</a>. Comment below that you've done it.</li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>OPTIONAL FOR EXTRA ENTRIES:</b></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Follow <a href="https://twitter.com/GhostwriterJG" target="_blank">GhostwriterJG</a> on Twitter. Comment below with your Twitter name.</li>
<li>Review any of my books anywhere. Post a link in the comments. (You can find my books at <a href="http://www.jennaglatzer.com/">www.jennaglatzer.com</a> or by searching for "Jenna Glatzer" on Amazon.)</li>
<li>Subscribe to this blog and let me know below that you've done it.</li>
<li>Join <a href="http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=cmn8ZmdREmGj3ZZKMsNSPA%3D%3D" target="_blank">Ebates</a> using my referral ID and let me know below that you've done it. </li>
<li>Share this link on Facebook or Twitter for three extra entries!:<br /> Win BlissLights, the easiest Christmas lights, at <b><a href="http://tinyurl.com/n8t4xnt" target="_blank">http://tinyurl.com/n8t4xnt </a></b></li>
</ul>
<b>Please comment below SEPARATELY for each entry.</b><br />
<br />
Good luck!<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Where to find BlissLights:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.blisslights.com/" target="_blank">BlissLights.com</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.amazon.com/BlissLights-Spright/dp/B008QV4QFU/ref=jennag-20" target="_blank">Amazon</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.qvc.com/BlissLights-Outdoor-Indoor-Firefly-Light-Projector-with-Timer.product.H200056.html" target="_blank">QVC</a></li>
</ul>
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-15846082460895519942013-11-25T12:16:00.000-05:002015-03-12T00:08:09.617-04:00Common Core and What I Believe: An Open Letter to Our Education Department from a White Suburban MomPoliticians are excellent at saying deeply stupid things. Recently, US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan was defending the much-hated Common Core when he said, "It’s fascinating to me that some of the pushback is coming from, sort
of, white suburban moms who-- all of a sudden-- their child isn’t as
brilliant as they thought they were and their school isn’t quite as good
as they thought they were, and that’s pretty scary."<br />
<br />
Hi, Arne. Thought I'd give you a little educating of your own.<br />
<br />
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I prayed what lots of people might consider a strange prayer: "Please let her be smart, but not too smart."<br />
<br />
I was on the verge of "too smart" in early elementary school. I was the smartest in my class most of the time, and I did feel isolated and different. I didn't want that for her. <br />
<br />
Now let me tell you what I got: a child who is far more gifted than I ever was.<br />
<br />
She asked me to teach her to read when she was 2 and to teach her algebra when she was 4. Her preschool director told me that she needed to be skipped a grade. I refused. Didn't want her to be any more "different" than need be. Then her kindergarten principal called in reading and math specialists to do weeks of testing on her, and at the end of it, he sat me down and said, "I've never seen anything like this. The assistant superintendent has never seen anything like this. In all our years of education, she is the most gifted child we've ever seen and we're in uncharted territory trying to figure out how to educate her."<br />
<br />
By 6 years old, she was reading at a 9th grade level, with 8th grade comprehension. I finally gave in and allowed her to move up a grade. She's doing just fine. Do I think she's going to cure cancer one day? Heck yes, I do. <br />
<br />
I tell you all this, dear Arne, because I'd like to blow up your stupid perception of why we parents and teachers hate the Common Core and high stakes testing.<br />
<br />
I'm a white suburban mom. Do you think "their child isn’t as
brilliant as they thought they were and their school isn’t quite as good
as they thought they were" applies to me? Let's get it straight: You can throw any test you like at my daughter. She's going to do wonderfully. Her school is excellent. And I think you can stuff your Common Core where the sun don't shine.<br />
<br />
I will be opting her out of the state tests. <br />
<br />
Of course, Arne, you're not alone in your willful ignorance of the real issues. You have cronies like Marc Tucker, president of the National Center on Education and the Economy, who said, "While American parents are pulling their kids out of tests because the
results make the kids feel bad, parents in other countries are looking
at the results and asking themselves how they can help their children do
better."<br />
<br />
Let's deconstruct that in two parts.<br />
<br />
First, again, I'm clearly not pulling my kid out of the tests because the results will make her feel bad. I'm pulling her because this curriculum and these tests are wrong for <i>everybody</i>, even the kids like mine who will do well on them.<br />
<br />
Second, you're delusional if you think that people in other countries are looking at our test results and asking themselves how to help their children do better on a curriculum that is failing. Yes, it's clear: The curriculum is failing. You may want to say that our <i>kids </i>are failing, but when we're looking at only 30% passing grades, then it's obvious as anything that it's the Common Core-aligned new curriculum and the tests themselves at fault-- and you set them up for this intentionally, which is a crappy thing to do.<br />
<br />
Open your ears and hear this, Arne and your ilk:<br />
<br />
I don't believe that every second of every school day needs to be filled with dancing and laughter.<br />
<br />
I do believe that young children should be allowed to be young children.<br />
<br />
* <br />
<br />
I don't believe in sheltering our children from every one of life's disappointments.<br />
<br />
I do believe that they should not be made to feel like failures every day of their formative years before their self-concept is even formed.<br />
<br />
* <br />
<br />
I don't believe all testing is evil.<br />
<br />
I do believe that the amount of testing you're now expecting is counterproductive and unhealthy. Children shouldn't be vomiting and wetting their pants and crying in class because they're in fear of these all-day tests.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe we need to bubble-wrap our kids.<br />
<br />
I do believe that if you can read my previous statement about the kids vomiting and wetting their pants and then respond to it with any comment about how parents today just want to "bubble wrap," then you are a shitty person.<br />
<br />
* <br />
<br />
I don't believe that our education system was perfect before and didn't need some work.<br />
<br />
I do believe it was irresponsible and negligent to unleash an entirely new curriculum on our children that had never been field-tested, was not approved by educators, without properly training teachers about how to implement it, and without first figuring out if the material was developmentally appropriate (hint: it isn't!).<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe that teachers should not be held responsible for how well they teach.<br />
<br />
I do believe that it's short-sighted to tie teacher's evaluation scores to how well their students do on standardized tests, which creates an environment where teachers may resent students who don't learn as quickly, even if they're trying their best.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe we should have low educational standards.<br />
<br />
I do believe you're using a straw man argument to even pretend that American parents want lower standards. You know damn well that we want our kids to succeed, we want them to be as well-educated as possible, we want them to learn the value of hard work, and we want our country to measure up globally. We just know you're going about it entirely wrong, and then sticking your fingers in your ears when we tell you how it's affecting our kids and our teachers.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe the entire academic day should be freewheeling and unscheduled.<br />
<br />
I do believe my child's teacher's exasperation when she tells me that she is unable to teach the class about what Veteran's Day is because there is no time in the curriculum for that, now that every minute of her day is taken up by the new requirements. <br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe we need to dumb down tests so every kid will pass.<br />
<br />
I do believe that when I fail a test, I know it either means that I didn't work hard enough, or I wasn't smart enough. If I worked very hard, then I can eliminate that option. Luckily, I'm in my late 30s with a successful career and a lot of evidence that says I am capable and intelligent even if I fail in some ways. Children have no such evidence to fall back on. When they work hard and fail repeatedly, they get the message that they're stupid. And that's the message they will grow up believing. They won't know that it's the curriculum that's stupid. Then you've reared a nation of kids who will stop trying, because trying doesn't get them anywhere. You've intentionally set them up to fail with the strange notion that this will somehow make them smarter. Good job, Education Department!<br />
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*<br />
<br />
I don't believe in "Race to the Top." <br />
<br />
I do believe you're wasting valuable class time and eating into our budgets with all the time and money we now have to spend getting ready for these tests, buying all new materials, and implementing the tests. I don't want one more minute stolen from my daughter's education when I know that her teacher has more to teach-- and WANTS to teach more. Your high-stakes testing is stealing from what matters in the classroom. <br />
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*<br />
<br />
I don't believe Bill and Melinda Gates intended for this to happen.<br />
<br />
I do believe they're wonderful, charitable people who have done terrific things with their money, and I believe they had the best of intentions when they awarded this tremendous grant to develop the Common Core. My heart breaks when I think about all the ways that money could have been better spent.<br />
<br />
* <br />
<br />
I don't believe homework should be simple.<br />
<br />
I do believe that I, as a college graduate, should be able to understand my 2nd grader's homework instructions. What I'm seeing are math dittos that seem to deliberately make things ten times harder than they should be, with Byzantine instructions and questionable objectives. <br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
I don't believe we should let our kids be lazy.<br />
<br />
I do believe that the experiences I remember from my own school days have little to do with parts of speech, advanced physics, or calculus (the latter two of which I have never used again) and everything to do with field trips (we even had a high school French teacher who took us TO FRANCE), exercises where we got to learn more about our classmates' cultures and lives, celebrating birthdays, getting chosen to take the class pet home for vacation, and making up songs about the multiplication tables. Our kids spend so much of their lives in school that it's unrealistic to expect it to strictly be about academic achievement. School is and <i>should</i> also be a place for great social growth-- to learn how to work with other people, how to listen and talk in public, how to help someone who is struggling, how to be a decent person and how to stand up for yourself if you encounter someone who is <i>not</i> a decent person.<br />
<br />
There are a million things to learn in school that you won't find in a textbook, and Common Core standards steal away the time they have for any kind of real growth and development. You know what lesson from kindergarten has made the biggest difference in my life? How to be a good friend. Where is the room for that in the Common Core?<br />
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*<br />
<br />
I don't believe all teachers are effective.<br />
<br />
I do believe that this system mostly hurts the ones who are. I believe that when you turn teachers into robots and take away their ability to teach properly, it's the ones who actually care who are going to leave the profession and find a different way to use their talents. <br />
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* <br />
<br />
I don't believe my child will fail, no matter what you do to her.<br />
<br />
I do believe that many of her classmates will. We've already heard from social workers and school psychologists that there is an increase in suicidal thoughts and self-mutilation among high schoolers, and this program is brand new. Kids who go through the Common Core their whole academic careers are going to have lower self-worth and higher depression rates. I don't want to think about kids committing suicide because you were too stubborn to change a failing curriculum.<br />
<br />
In case you think I'm overreacting, a middle-schooler in my area <a href="http://glencove.patch.com/groups/breaking-news/p/middle-school-student-found-after-apparent-suicide" target="_blank">jumped out a window</a> to her death on day 1 of the 3-day ELA test. <br />
<br />
I don't want my child attending classmates' funerals because you thought kids "shouldn't be coddled" and instead should be stressed out of their minds so that failure becomes their norm. And I stand in solidarity with every parent whose children are <i>not</i> doing well with this curriculum, because <i>that's what decent people do.</i> We don't let grownups abuse our kids.<br />
<br />
It goes back to that thing I learned in kindergarten: When our friends are hurting, we stand by them and stand up for them. Well, Education Department, our friends are hurting and we're not going to sit around and watch it continue.<br />
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*<br />
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I don't believe the Education Department is listening.<br />
<br />
I do believe you've underestimated us. We aren't going away, but the Common Core will. Get rid of this convoluted mess of a program of yours.<br />
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<br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-56519241915489085552013-09-29T23:21:00.001-04:002013-09-29T23:46:51.248-04:00Ghostwriters Don't Write Stories About Ghosts"What do you do?" the farmer asked me.<br />
<br />
"I'm a ghostwriter."<br />
<br />
"THAT'S SO COOL."<br />
<br />
"It pretty much is."<br />
<br />
"We're going to do a haunted house here in the fall. I should hire you to write a script for it."<br />
<br />
It should have occurred to me then what he thought I actually did for a living, but it didn't. I just nodded with a bit of confusion-- because I've never been to a haunted house that actually had a script-- but it took until much later for me to realize that he thought ghostwriters write stories about ghosts.<br />
<br />
I thought that was just a funny one-time occurrence until two other people recently asked me questions about ghosts and haunted houses. So I thought it was time to put this out there:<br />
<br />
Ghostwriters don't write stories about ghosts. We write books (and articles, blog posts, whatever) in other people's voices. We're called ghostwriters because we're meant to be invisible-- the books are not "ours," they're our clients'. It's our job to interview our clients and do whatever research is needed to get the story told well in their point of view.<br />
<br />
It's a bit of a misnomer these days, though, because ghostwriters <i>do</i> usually get some kind of name credit. Not always, but usually. If you see a book that says "By Joe Smith with Jane Brown," then Jane Brown was the ghostwriter. Joe Smith is usually in large type and Jane Brown is in smaller type. If the ghostwriter isn't credited on the cover, he or she is often credited in the acknowledgments, though not necessarily in a clear way (it may not say "Thanks to my ghostwriter, Jane Brown," but instead may say something like, "Thanks to Jane Brown for the editing help," or "Thanks to Jane Brown for her thoughtful assistance").<br />
<br />
So, yeah, I don't write about hauntings. But my job? It really is still SO COOL.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-37583523014022753952013-09-26T13:47:00.001-04:002013-09-26T14:09:12.568-04:00Should You Donate to the "Help Me Save 300" Fund?By now, you've probably heard about the teenagers who trashed Brian Holloway's former home, but just in case:<br />
<br />
Former NFL player Brian Holloway lives in Florida now, but still has temporary ownership of his former residence, 742 NY #43 in Stephentown, NY. His son found out via Twitter that a bunch of kids had broken into the house and were throwing a huge-- and destructive-- party. The kids were taking photos and bragging about it on Twitter in real time. Police showed up and broke it up, and Brian understandably freaked out.<br />
<br />
Then he did something that drew a ton of attention: Instead of just pursuing criminal and civil charges, he called out the kids and their parents online, reposting their photos and naming names. And he invited them to redeem themselves by showing up to help him clean up the damage. While plenty of locals have shown up to help, only one teen from the party and one parent showed up the first day, and four showed up on a second clean-up day.<br />
<br />
Brian has been all over the media talking about this, and the need to save these kids' lives from drugs, alcohol, and other bad influences. I'm so with him up to here. It sounds like a noble response to something so horrible, and people have talked about what a classy reaction this has been.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there are some holes in this story that need patching.<br />
<br />
Brian has been asking for donations since this broke. It was unclear to me how the donations would be used, so I asked... four times (privately and publicly) and never got a response. First, he asked the teens to donate to a breast cancer charity, which is linked on his website. But right next to it is a general "Donate" button that goes to his own account, not a charity. He also set up a separate "GoFundMe" donation page, which says, "We're looking for donations to help with damages to the home and more
importantly to help with funding to start the Help Me Save 300 movement." On first glance, I thought it was reasonable to ask for help fixing his home until I realized a few things:<br />
<br />
-This is a very rich man, and this is his second home. It's listed for 1.5 million dollars, while his primary home is in Florida. He is clearly far richer than most of the people who are donating to him, and charges upwards of $10,000 for his speaking fees-- never mind his multiple other businesses. If I were a millionaire, I'd feel morally wrong asking strangers on the Internet in a difficult economy to help me fix up my second home that's for sale.<br />
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-Homeowner's insurance has never been mentioned, but should cover this-- as long as the house is actually his and he's paid his insurance.<br />
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-Right away, businesses stepped up and donated their supplies and labor. Community volunteers also showed up in large numbers. When one volunteer showed up to help, he realized the "destruction" had been overstated. He said, "I visited the house last week and saw no party damage that still needed
to be cleaned or fixed. When I asked to see examples of damage, Holloway
showed me a dirty sink and scuffed floors. Yes, there was graffiti and
stained carpets, but both (and the scuffed floors too) <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20130622110030/http://paloaltoinnewyork.com/" target="_blank"><b>existed before the party</b></a>. On the day I was there, Holloway actually had volunteers loading boxes from a storage area into a car (photo above)." (See Chris Churchill's essay <a href="http://blog.timesunion.com/advocate/about-the-open-letter-to-the-parents-of-the-stephentown-300/4781/" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
-Brian regularly speaks about wealth management, sales and marketing, and has a club just for wealthy Wall Street "power players" where they have to pay a minimum of $25,000 to join. See the press release <a href="http://www.prweb.com/releases/The_525_Club/Wall_Street_Executives/prweb666304.htm" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
-Despite that he is all over the place talking about wealth and how to keep it, the house in question is in foreclosure and up for auction in October. He has not paid the mortgage or property taxes. It seems to follow a pattern-- many years ago, he owed $11,000 in <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1997/06/01/sports/one-more-athlete-s-wife-picks-up-the-pieces-of-her-life.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm" target="_blank">child support</a> during a divorce that wound up with a restraining order and charges against him for violating that restraining order. It seems to me that although he is capable of paying his debts, he chooses not to. It also seems that he has a problem taking personal responsibility, as evidenced by this very strange <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSvadf9e_AI#t=65" target="_blank">interview</a>.<br />
<br />
-Many of the kids have apologized and explained that they didn't know the house was broken into. They believed that the house was owned by the parents of the kid who threw the party.<br />
<br />
-There has been no independent corroboration of any intent to sue him by any of the parents, though they're being demonized for it.<br />
<br />
So let me explain one thing first: I absolutely know that what those kids did was wrong. Very wrong. Even if you DO believe the house belongs to the host's parents, you don't add graffiti to it, get drunk, get into fights, steal things, etc. And if you're dumb enough to brag about it on Twitter, you can't complain when it gets out that you participated in this. And you darn well should show up to help clean up your mess when you realize that you did something wrong. Your parents should be there, too, falling all over themselves to apologize and take responsibility. There should be groundings and tough conversations between those parents and teens.<br />
<br />
But I also smell a rat here. It's partly about the money, and the massive media campaign that seems suspiciously self-serving to me, and the fact that I'm just not buying this man's character. There is an utter lack of transparency here about what all the donations will be used for. What is the "movement" we're paying for? The picnics and website? His speaking fees and travel fees to go on the news? It all feels opportunistic to me, and I'm surprised that the reporters who've interviewed him have not asked any of the tough questions-- like, what's the breakdown of expenses? What's already been donated and covered by insurance? Why are neighbors saying the house was already in disrepair and the damage is being exaggerated? <br />
<br />
Brian says he's trying to raise $20,000 (I'd be surprised if he hasn't surpassed that already, considering the massive media campaign), and all I can think about is my local domestic violence center, which puts people on months-long waiting lists when they come in asking to join one of the counseling groups. Or the food pantries around here that run out of food before they run out of people needing it. Or the couple whose house is in foreclosure because their daughter has cancer and they can't keep up with the bills. There are so many people and charities that really need that $20,000. It makes me sad that they won't get it because this man is convincing us that we should pay for his scuffed floor. Or worse, that people are donating because they don't understand that he's <i>not</i> doing something charitable with the money. Even all these picnics are serving to keep his face in the media and raise his profile, which will keep donations rolling in and help him become more in-demand as a high-paid speaker and consultant. He's also calling for IT techs to fly out to meet him and develop an app for parents to monitor their kids' Twitter activity (which could also be called "Don't let your kids use Twitter unless you know their password and check in regularly").<br />
<br />
It gives me no joy to post this, because I was among the many who was originally inspired by this man and his seemingly big-hearted gesture to help teens in trouble. I like believing that there are good people in this world who would be so forgiving and caring as to want to help people who've done them wrong. I wish I didn't have to see it any other way now.<br />
<br />
So now I'm calling you out in the same way you called those kids out, Brian: This is your chance for redemption. Do the right thing with the money you've collected. Use it in the spirit in which it was given, and stop collecting more until you've outlined where it's going.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-25007051272518981872013-09-18T22:49:00.002-04:002013-09-19T00:07:38.116-04:00The SimpliSafe StoryMy recent move has been... well, eventful. It's been one of those experiences where you shout-sing Kelly Clarkson's "What doesn't kill you makes you STRONGER" as you're spackling and power-drilling and unclogging and fixing. One of the first things I wanted to take care of when I got here was an alarm system. I did my research and decided that SimpliSafe would be my best option: You own the system, no contracts, and it's simple to install yourself wirelessly. The company agreed to let me review the system for this blog. (Hey, thanks, guys.)<br />
<br />
As soon as it arrived, I began setting up the sensors, then the keypad and alarm. Just an hour after I got it all set up, one of the sensors started to chirp.<br />
<br />
Dang.<br />
<br />
I walked over to it and couldn't figure out what was wrong. So I did what reasonable people do in these situations: I gave it a little smack. It stopped chirping. Solved!<br />
<br />
I went back to work, but a minute later, the chirping started again. I adjusted the sensor, but couldn't see anything wrong with it. I smacked it again, and again it stopped.<br />
<br />
You can see where this is going. I felt like I was living under a little black raincloud.<br />
<br />
I didn't quite understand why the sensor would chirp at all-- there wasn't any speaker in it, as far as I knew. And yet every time I walked away, it started this loud chirp again, and every time I tapped it, it stopped. I was on hold with SimpliSafe's customer service line when I opened the door to look again, and guess what?<br />
<br />
There was a cricket two inches away from the sensor, on top of the door frame.<br />
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Every time I smacked the sensor, it scared the cricket enough to shut it up, and then as soon as I walked away, it started in again.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv4qTH2_Wc93DSy0jnS_vODcnp23r07sJ1UXnNFTKDUERnZ9vsV_fXxwZQiw0yFIlZQ2kd7rad195DIuKODdRqrgUuM-Y3FrjzH_kHqZme3fFdhyphenhyphenSeQWzg72ZCoXMPGGk38QHSRg/s1600/cricket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv4qTH2_Wc93DSy0jnS_vODcnp23r07sJ1UXnNFTKDUERnZ9vsV_fXxwZQiw0yFIlZQ2kd7rad195DIuKODdRqrgUuM-Y3FrjzH_kHqZme3fFdhyphenhyphenSeQWzg72ZCoXMPGGk38QHSRg/s1600/cricket.jpg" /></a></div>
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Now, that would be a cheery end to my story if it were the end, but unfortunately, it is not. Two of the sensors (not that one) were not responding. It turned out that the metal doors they were on interfere with the magnets in the sensors, and I was able to reposition one of the sensors to fix the problem, but the other refused to be fixed. That led to my first real call to SimpliSafe's customer line. They told me how to solve the problem: put extra double-sided tape under the sensor so the metal door doesn't confuse the system. Cool.<br />
<br />
But then the keypad announced that there was no link to the central monitoring dispatch. Which meant that the wireless connection... wasn't connecting. I called customer support again and they talked me through where to place the base-- they had a map of my area's wireless towers and knew which direction in my house would have the strongest signal. I placed it on a windowsill in the right direction and it worked immediately. Cool.<br />
<br />
I had been worried about the wireless signal because as of today, their systems are all still through T-Mobile, which has iffy reception in my area. They have, however, signed a deal with Verizon so that areas like mine that have better Verizon reception will have connections through Verizon instead. (If you have a system already and it's not connecting well, they can send you a new Verizon base in about 5 weeks, according to the rep I spoke with. That was as of the beginning of September, so it sounds like they'll be ready in early October.) The website wasn't clear about this-- I thought the Verizon units were already shipping.<br />
<br />
Then I installed the smoke alarm, and two days later, it began beeping to alert me to a low battery. Back to customer service, who said they'd send me a new battery. They did right away... but it was the wrong battery. So they're sending me a new one.<br />
<br />
Cool?<br />
<br />
Okay, so by this point I was a bit frustrated. Things hadn't gone as smoothly as I'd hoped, but the true test didn't happen until yesterday.<br />
<br />
They give you the first few days to "practice" with the system without having it connected to dispatch. Practice... ha! What could be so hard about setting an alarm and then turning it off? I was smart. I didn't need to practice. I was, like, gifted with alarms. Until day 4.<br />
<br />
I was half-asleep at the computer at 2 a.m., gave up on work, set the alarm, and went up to bed. That's when I realized I'd left my sheets in the dryer and hadn't made the bed yet. I had to go out to the garage to get my laundry. Which I did. Forgetting that there was a sensor on the door leading to my garage and that the alarm was activated. Thirty seconds later...<br />
<br />
EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE, EEE!<br />
<br />
HOLY TOMATOES.<br />
<br />
I about started convulsing on the floor. I knew I had to get to the keypad and shut off the alarm, but the siren was right near there and it was like ear torture getting any closer to the speaker. But with the knowledge that my new neighbors were not going to be fond of me if I let this go on, I decided the decent thing to do would be to shut off this blaring alarm at 2 a.m. or at least have the courtesy to set myself on fire and run out on the lawn so it would look like there had been some purpose in this commotion. I chose the former, and the phone rang IMMEDIATELY.<br />
<br />
It was the alarm company asking for my "safe word." I was still shaking when I picked up the phone and told her my safe word. Then I said, "I scared the poop out of myself!"<br />
<br />
She said, "That's okay."<br />
<br />
No, it wasn't okay. It was fantastic, because you know what? Had I been an actual intruder, NO WAY would I have stuck around for that.<br />
<br />
So, yes, it took me a bit of messing around to get the system set up, but once I got it, it functioned just right. (And then I was so adrenalined up that I couldn't fall asleep, so I started assembling furniture at 3 a.m. By the time my pulse returned to normal, I had a new sewing cabinet set up.)<br />
<br />
Then I got better news: I get a discount on my insurance for having monthly monitoring (burglar and fire). So if I choose to have monthly monitoring-- and I do, but you don't have to... you can just use the system as a deterrent and not have it connected to a central station-- I pay just $15 a month and there's no contract. And I get $60 a year off my insurance, which is like getting 4 months of monitoring free. So my real cost for a year of monitoring is $120. And with the system itself, you can choose from a variety of configurations; you decide how many entry sensors and motion detectors, whether you want things like a panic button, freeze sensor, extra siren, carbon monoxide detector, etc. So you can even start small and then add components later once you see if the system works for you. Check with your insurance company, though-- mine would give a discount only if I had a burglar AND fire alarm with central monitoring. The 10% discount that some insurances give will just about cover all of your monitoring costs.<br />
<br />
It has some very cool features, like a "duress code"-- a code you can program that's not your real code, to alert dispatch that you're being forced to turn off your alarm against your will. And you can set temporary codes for people who might need access to your house (guests, workers), then erase those codes anytime. You can turn the system on and off via the keypad or the buttons on the keychain-- which also has a panic button that sounds the alarm if you're in or close to your house.<br />
<br />
The other thing that's cool is that it's portable. If you move, you take it with you. <br />
<br />
Keeping in mind that it's a wireless system, you have to be in an area with good T-Mobile or Verizon coverage. But as long as you are, then I recommend this as a great option to save money and stay away from locking yourself into a contract where someone else owns the equipment. <br />
<br />
You can learn more and buy a system at <a href="http://www.simplisafe.com/">www.simplisafe.com</a> or on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Simplisafe2-Wireless-Security-8-piece-Package/dp/B001PBYQHG/ref=jennag-20" target="_blank">Amazon</a>.<br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-78755764090574383922013-03-18T22:58:00.000-04:002013-03-18T23:19:37.635-04:00The Upside of CNN's Disgusting Steubenville Rape Trial Coverage Well, yes, you knew I'd have an opinion about this one!<br />
<br />
If you've missed the hoopla, here's the abridged version:<br />
<br />
A 16-year-old girl got very drunk at a party. While she was unconscious, two boys at the party raped her, and more than a dozen party-goers watched, took pictures and videos, bribed each other to urinate on her, joked about it on Twitter, etc. The rapists were football players and the coach and town nearly let the whole thing slide, if not for this amazing blogger named <a href="http://www.xojane.com/issues/steubenville-rape-verdict-alexandria-goddard" target="_blank">Alexandria Goddard</a>, who spent hours taking screenshots of the Twitter posts that provided evidence of what had happened and the bragging and laughing that happened after it. People were convinced she was dead and didn't care. People said she deserved to be urinated on. People laughed about the fact that she was being raped.<br />
<br />
The blogger received death threats and was sued by one of the boys who participated, because, you know... football.<br />
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Again, somehow the ability to run across a field carrying a ball somehow gives you a get-out-of-rape-free card in the eyes of many. They'll freak out if you hurt dogs, but raping a young woman? Meh. She probably deserved it. FOOTBAAAAAALL!<br />
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Now, I tend to write off the sorts of people who excuse this behavior as simple wingnuts. People who are deeply stupid and lack any moral compass. What I don't expect is for educated and well-spoken CNN reporters to back them up.<br />
<br />
What two CNN reporters did was to spend their whole segment reporting about the trial verdict wringing their hands about these two poor boys whose lives may be ruined because they have to register as sex offenders. These poor boys, one of whom even cried real tears!<br />
<br />
Gawker has one of the <a href="http://gawker.com/5991003/cnn-reports-on-the-promising-future-of-the-steubenville-rapists-who-are-very-good-students" target="_blank">best responses</a> to sum up CNN's coverage (and includes the video so you can see the original report).<br />
<br />
The Onion predicted just this scenario in 2011, when they made this video for Comedy Central: <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zWLJZw9Ws-g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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And it's easy to get down about the whole thing, because it's further proof of rape culture. We live in a society that excuses rape-- that trivializes it, that blames victims, that engages in slut-shaming. One common reaction to hearing that a woman was raped is, "She probably wanted it and then just regretted it and cried rape." I even read that comment about this case-- which willfully ignores the fact that she was unconscious, and therefore not in a position to "want" anything.<br />
<br />
CNN chose to play the "poor, poor rapists" angle rather than pointing out that, for instance, the "apology" that one offered was not an actual apology. He said, "No picture should have been sent around, let alone taken."<br />
<br />
Wait, he thinks THAT's the problem? Notice that what he does not say is, "I should not have raped her." Just that someone else shouldn't have taken a picture of it, thus helping him get convicted.<br />
<br />
But all of that is leading to the positive, which is the same positive I noticed during the Penn State trial: People are upset about this.<br />
<br />
My Facebook and Twitter feeds are blowing up with men and women alike who are furious with CNN for their coverage. There are multiple petitions on Change.org and other sites requesting that CNN issue an apology for their terrible coverage.<br />
<br />
Thirty years ago, this probably wouldn't even have made national news. Rape was much more taboo back then. People didn't talk much about it because it was icky. Now people have opinions. Loud ones. They're not afraid to say, "This is wrong." People who've never been sexually assaulted themselves manage to care enough about this topic to speak out-- to make phone calls, to write blog posts, send in letters to the editor, etc. And speaking on behalf of the far-too-many of us who HAVE survived sexual assaults, I thank you for this. It helps us to feel less alone and judged when we know there's a community out there who is willing to step up and yell on our behalf.<br />
<br />
There are many people who've been victimized who never tell anyone what happened because they are worried about being judged for it, as if they were "asking for it" based on what they were wearing, or who they went out with, or whatever. The fact that there's such a large and vocal community now speaking out in favor of a girl who went to a party and got drunk is actually a beautiful thing to me, because it shows we've made real progress. It's <i>not</i> okay to rape, no matter what. <br />
<br />
We're sending out the message to the media: We don't feel sorry for rapists. We don't care that they played football, or did reasonably well in school. These are not good people who made one teensy little mistake. There was a girl here who couldn't speak up for herself, and we're giving her a voice now. <br />
<br />
We don't care what she was wearing.<br />
<br />
We don't care what she was drinking.<br />
<br />
We care that she was assaulted, abused, degraded, and left to die by people who all thought it was hilarious good fun.<br />
<br />
<i>These are not good people.</i><br />
<br />
Edmund Burke said, "<span class="st">All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Luckily, the good men and women are not doing "nothing" anymore. </span><br />
<br />
We're making strides against rape culture. Like any major social problem, it won't be fixed overnight, but it's important to speak out and push change forward a little at a time. Racism isn't over in this country, but it's come a long way. Victim-blaming needs to go through the same process. Name it, call it out into the light, examine it, and then extinguish it one person at a time until it would be absurd for a major news outlet to praise rapists again.<br />
<br />
So thank you to everyone who's signing those <a href="http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/cnn_steubenville/?rc=tw1" target="_blank">petitions</a> and talking about this and expressing their sympathy for and solidarity with sexual assault survivors. Even when you don't know who we are, we hear you, and it matters. <br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-7295746118074050542012-12-21T02:10:00.001-05:002012-12-21T09:06:41.183-05:00Heroes of Sandy Hook and Ways You Can HelpI am <i>not</i> the shooter's mother, and I can't pretend to know what that was like. My daughter is the kindest soul I've ever known, and I can't take credit for that, either. Well, partial<i> </i>credit.<br />
<br />
Here's what I know: Some kids turn out right. Some kids turn out wrong. Sometimes it's the parents' fault. Sometimes it isn't. And there are deranged people in every significant group you can name-- every race, class, level of intellect, etc. Being on the autism spectrum-- if that's the case-- didn't turn this kid into a mass murderer.<br />
<br />
I don't want to jump to any particular conclusions because I just don't know. Was he evil? Was he hearing voices and completely out of touch with reality? Was the mother also mentally ill? I would suggest that if you're tempted to believe anything you read in the media at the moment, please keep in mind that this is the same media that told us:<br />
<br />
-The shooter was Ryan Lanza<br />
-He was the father of a student <br />
-He killed his mother at the school, where she was a kindergarten teacher<br />
-Oops, she wasn't a kindergarten teacher after all. She must have been a substitute.<br />
-He killed his father and brother, too.<br />
-Everyone he killed was in kindergarten.<br />
-and so on.<br />
<br />
I couldn't even keep up with the reams of misinformation. Now I can't do anything other than make wild guesses about the motive and background on all this, and mostly all that does is get me angry (how <i>could </i>the mother have all those guns in the house with a troubled son?), so I'll just stick to what I do know.<br />
<br />
What I know is that there were heroes that day who deserve to be remembered. I know that principal Dawn Hochsprung was in a meeting with a parent and staff members when she heard gunshots... and that she and school psychologist Mary Sherlach ran in the direction of those gunshots rather than hiding under the desk. They were killed trying to stop the shooter. If you would like to send your condolences, the principal's daughters are on Twitter: <span class="userContent">@Chass63 and @E_Laffs2, and her son-in-law is @Rhassin. </span><br />
<br />
Thank you, teacher Anne Marie Murphy, for caring so much about a special needs student who loved you that you cradled him in your arms as you both died.<br />
<br />
To clerk Mary Ann Jacob, who ran across the hall to warn another class to lock their door because she'd heard gun shots, and then ushered kids into the library to hide, thank you.<br />
<br />
Vicki Soto hid her students in closets and cabinets and then told the shooter they were in the gym. She gave her life for them. Thank you for saving their lives. You can send condolences to her sister on Twitter at <span class="userContent">@ICarlee23.</span><br />
<br />
To the thus-far-unnamed custodian who ran through the halls telling students, "Get down! Hide!" because he'd heard gunshots, thank you.<br />
<br />
First grade teacher Kaitlin Roag rushed all of her students into a small bathroom and told them she loved them and they'd be okay... and they were. Not only is her bravery remarkable, but so is her compassion for those students and her willingness to share their story with all of us. I'm sure it was not easy reliving it in front of a video camera, but it provided us with greater understanding.<br />
<br />
The music teacher, Maryrose Kristopik, barricaded the door with her own body and got her students into closets. The shooter banged on the door and tried to get in, but he did not succeed. Thank you for saving their lives.<br />
<br />
To whomever turned on the intercom so the staff could hear the commotion and understand what was going on, thank you.<br />
<br />
Thank you to the first responders, the clergy, the neighbors, the people who stood up to the ridiculous hate group that tried to picket the funerals, the donors, and everyone else who has done anything to help Newtown and the Sandy Hook families during this time of grief. <br />
<br />
To the countless others whose names and stories I don't know, you are no less important because I haven't named you. Thank you to all of our heroes.<br />
<br />
There are a number of ways you can help or send support Sandy Hook's way. Here are the ones I've heard about:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Join in Ann Curry's "<a href="http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/18/15999109-if-you-do-good-youll-feel-good-ann-curry-explains-origins-of-26acts-of-kindness?lite" target="_blank">26 acts of kindness</a>" to honor the 26 victims at Sandy Hook.</li>
<li> Donate to a <a href="https://www.pibetaphifoundation.org/donate/donate-now" target="_blank">scholarship fund in Lauren Rousseau's name</a>, started by her sorority.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.ctpta.org/SANDY-HOOK-FUND.html" target="_blank">Make snowflakes</a> to decorate the Sandy Hook Elementary School's new building, so students can see a "winter wonderland" of support when they go back to school: </li>
<li>The US Postal Service has established a PO Box for people to send
letters of condolence to the residents of Newtown. Please address mail
to: Message of Condolence, PO Box 3700, Newtown, CT 06470.</li>
<li>The United Way has established a <a href="https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/" target="_blank">Sandy Hook School Support Fund</a>.</li>
<li>Contribute to a fund to establish a memorial: <a href="http://www.newtownmemorialfund.org/">http://www.newtownmemorialfund.org</a>.</li>
<li>Sign this petition to classify the <a href="https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/legally-recognize-westboro-baptist-church-hate-group/DYf3pH2d?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl" target="_blank">funeral picketers as a hate group</a> and take away their tax-exempt status.</li>
</ul>
<br />
I welcome other suggestions in the comments. Let's do what we can to help their community.<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank you, <br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-10005057368987812912012-07-27T22:53:00.005-04:002012-07-28T00:48:21.411-04:00Writers' Guidelines for Parenting Magazines, National and RegionalI'm updating my book <i>Make a Real Living as a Freelance Writer</i>, and in doing so, I'm looking for the most reliable writers' guidelines databases to recommend. Writer's Market (<a href="http://www.writersmarket.com/">www.writersmarket.com</a>) is kept current and is an excellent source, but there are lots of markets they don't feature, too. So I've spent much of today looking around at the online market guides, spot-checking their parenting sections to see if their links are updated. What a disappointment... found very few current ones. What are your favorite online market guides?<br />
<br />
Anyway, I don't plan to keep this post updated for any length of time, either, but just for the heck of it, I'm going to link here to all the parenting magazine guidelines I come across as I'm surfing tonight. Regional parenting magazines are a great place to sell reprints. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<i>("But how," you may ask, "How, Jenna, can I ever repay you for this great list?" See those books over there on the right? Buy one! Buy ten! I wrote them and they're good!) </i><br />
<ol>
<li><a href="http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/writers-guidelines.html" target="_blank">ADDitude:</a> About attention deficit disorder in children and adults (pay rates not disclosed for articles and blogs)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=259" target="_blank">Adoptive Families:</a> (modest payment) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.azparenting.com/freelance.php" target="_blank">Arizona Parenting:</a> For Phoenix and surrounding communities (variable pay for originals, $25-50 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.atlantaparent.com/article/detail/writers_guidelines" target="_blank">Atlanta Parent:</a> ("nominal" payment)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.babble.com/write-for-babble/" target="_blank">Babble:</a> online magazine (pays about $150 for features)<br /> </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.thebabycorner.com/page/1519/" target="_blank">Baby Corner:</a> online magazine ($.01/word for essays, .02/word for articles)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://birminghamparent.parenthood.com/writers_guidelines_2012.php" target="_blank">Birmingham Parent:</a> Alabama print magazine (buys FNASR, accepts reprints, pay not specified) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.brainchildmag.com/contact/guidelines.asp" target="_blank">Brain, Child: </a>national magazine (pays "modest fees") </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.carolinaparent.com/aboutus/writerguidelines.php" target="_blank">Carolina Parent:</a> North Carolina's greater Triangle area (feature rates start at $50, accepts reprints, buys one-time print rights and online rights)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.centralpennparent.com/Write-for-Us/" target="_blank">Central Penn Parent:</a> Pennsylvania print magazine ($50-125 for originals, $35 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.charlotteparent.com/aboutus/writerguidelines.php" target="_blank">Charlotte Parent:</a> North Carolina ($45-125 for originals, $15-35 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.chesapeakefamily.com/about-us/writers-guidelines" target="_blank">Chesapeake Family:</a> ($75-200 for originals, $35 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.chicagoparent.com/about-chicago-parent/write-for-chicago-parent" target="_blank">Chicago Parent:</a> Local writers only ($25-50 for short articles, $50-100 for essays, $100 and up for features. Doesn't buy reprints.) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.columbusparent.com/content/pages/submissions.html" target="_blank">Columbus Parent:</a> (for Central Ohio writers only)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://thedabblingmum.com/write4us/submissions.htm" target="_blank">The Dabbling Mum</a> ($10-40 for originals, $0-15 for reprints)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://familyfun.go.com/assets/cms/pdf/magazine/writer-guidelines.pdf" target="_blank">Family Fun:</a> Disney's national parenting magazine ($1.25/word)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.georgiafamily.com/writers.aspx" target="_blank">Georgia Family:</a> ($20-60 for originals, $10-30 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://thegreenparent.co.uk/downloads/Writers_Guidelines_2010.pdf" target="_blank">The Green Parent:</a> UK-based print magazine (pays £75 per 1000 words)
</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.hvparent.com/Pages/WritersGuidelines.aspx" target="_blank">Hudson Valley Parent:</a> ($80-120 for originals, $25-35 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.imperfectparent.com/submit/" target="_blank">The Imperfect Parent:</a> online magazine (pays $10 for reviews, $25 for features and essays) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.indyschild.com/Form-p-6177.112112.html" target="_blank">Indy's Child:</a> Indianapolis (pays $.10-.15/word for originals, $40-75 for reprints)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://islandparent.ca/contribute.html" target="_blank">Island Parent:</a> Vancouver, Candada ($35 for print rights, additional $25 for e-rights) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/MFM-Projects/Writers-Guidelines/" target="_blank">MetroFamily magazine:</a> Central Oklahoma ($25-50, accepts reprints, prefers local writers)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.metroparent.com/Metro-Parent/Write-For-Us/" target="_blank">Metro Parent:</a> Southeast Michigan (up to $350 for features, $35 for reprints)<br /> </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.mops.org/page.php?pageid=553" target="_blank">MomSense</a>: Christian moms of preschoolers (all articles on spec, pays on publication, unknown rates)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.njfamily.com/NJ-Family/About-Us/Writers-Guidelines/" target="_blank">New Jersey Family:</a> (pays about $.10/word for originals, $25-50 for reprints, $5-15 for blog posts) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.nolababy.com/writers.htm" target="_blank">NOLA Baby and Family</a> (discuss pay with editor, pays $25 kill fee, accepts reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://nymetroparents.com/ncontact.cfm" target="_blank">NY Metro Parent:</a> NYC and Long Island parenting magazines (it's just a contact page, but they pay up to $50)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.ohiofamilymagazine.com/writers-guidelines.html" target="_blank">Ohio Family</a> (pays $35-200, accepts reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.orlandofamilymagazine.com/submissions.html" target="_blank">Orlando Family:</a> Florida magazine ($50-75 for originals, $25-40 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.kyria.com/help/writersguidelines/parentconnect.html" target="_blank">Parent Connect:</a> Part of Christianity Today ($50-150 for exclusive online rights) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.parenting.com/article/parenting-magazines-writers-guidelines" target="_blank">Parenting</a>: national glossy ($1/word and up)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/parentlife/writeforparentlife.html" target="_blank">ParentLife:</a> Evangelical Christian publication (pays, but pay rate not specified) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.parentmap.com/article/parentmap-job-openings" target="_blank">ParentMap:</a> Puget Sound area (pays negotiable rates for first American print and electronic rights) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.parents.com/parents/file.jsp?item=/help/writers_guidelines&itemSource=parents" target="_blank">Parents:</a> national glossy ($1.50/word and up)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.parents-kids.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=69&Itemid=133" target="_blank">Parents and Kids:</a> Mississippi ($25 and up for reprints and originals) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.piedmontparent.com/aboutus/writerguidelines.php" target="_blank">Piedmont Parent:</a> Part of Carolina Parenting ($35-110/article, accepts reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.portlandfamily.com/writers-guidelines/" target="_blank">Portland Family:</a> (no reprints, variable pay for originals) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-submission-guidelines" target="_blank">PTO Today:</a> magazine about parent-teacher organizations (pays $150-700)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.raisingarizonakids.com/writer-guidelines/" target="_blank">Raising Arizona Kids:</a> Arizona writers only ($25 and up for departments, $150 and up for features, all rights) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.rutherfordparent.com/article-submission-guidelines" target="_blank">Rutherford Parent, Nashville Parent, Sumner Parent, and Williamson Parent:</a> Tennessee (pays negotiable fees for Work-for-Hire rights, $35 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.sacramentoparent.com/writers-guide" target="_blank">Sacramento Parent</a> : ($50-200 for originals, $25-45 for reprints) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.sandiegofamily.com/advertising/guidelines/132-editorial-guidelines" target="_blank">San Diego Family Magazine</a> (pays on publication, rates not specified)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.seattleschild.com/contactus/editorial-submissions" target="_blank">Seattle's Child:</a> (pays $75-450) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.simplyfamilymagazine.com/online/contribute/writers-guidelines/" target="_blank">Simply Family:</a> Billings, Montana (rates vary, accepts reprints)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.todaysparent.com/writers-guidelines" target="_blank">Today's Parent:</a> Canada monthly magazine (favors Canadian writers, pays $700-2000 for features) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.treasurevalleyfamily.com/component/content/article/13-footer/46-editorial.html" target="_blank">Treasure Valley Family:</a> Idaho magazine (pay varies, FNASR, accepts reprints)</li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.truenorthparenting.com/submission.php" target="_blank">True North:</a> Central Oregon parenting magazine (pay rates vary) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.westernnewyork.com/writers-guidelines.aspx" target="_blank">Western New York Family</a> (pays $35-200) </li>
<br />
<li><a href="http://www.workingmother.com/other/working-mother-magazine-writers-guidelines" target="_blank">Working Mother</a>: print magazine and blogs</li>
<br />
</ol>
<ul>
</ul>
<br />
<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-54189285799370267482012-06-06T17:53:00.000-04:002012-06-06T19:51:24.943-04:00Book Expo America 2012 - and kind of a newbie guide, tooOne of my favorite events every year is BEA-- Book Expo America-- held at the Javits Center in NYC. I started going somewhere around 2005, when one of my publishers invited me to join them in the booth. I knew it was a big event, but WOW, it was amazing! It was crowded as a rock concert, sprawled all over the place. Overwhelming, but in such an exciting way.<br />
<br />
<i>All these people care about books! </i>I thought. I wanted to cry.<br />
<br />
I remember meeting up with my editor at Writer's Digest, and running over to get a big hug from Fantasia Barrino just before she left-- I was second in line to write her book, which ended up on the Times list... sigh...-- and seeing some of my pals from Absolute Write. <br />
<br />
There are the crazy attention-stealers every year, like the guy walking around with a toilet seat around his neck, or the people in space costumes, or this year, the person dressed up as the devil making and making weird noises across from a Christian publisher's booth. For the most part, it's all in good fun, though the over-the-top costumes can come across as desperate, depending on who's doing it. Scholastic bringing a big Clifford costume? Totally fine!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp2uWWB7upbcn-59NK2cxlPnTwpADzWhzT9e1lqrukDQMzrWxvL-jdKA6S0jBCRpGIO01-ynZUiY_vT84NbGtjDF5MPgKif_RyXaNSroxgE3Vfwjg3TZdSTUZ7dxx8pKO9ysBbeA/s1600/clifford.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp2uWWB7upbcn-59NK2cxlPnTwpADzWhzT9e1lqrukDQMzrWxvL-jdKA6S0jBCRpGIO01-ynZUiY_vT84NbGtjDF5MPgKif_RyXaNSroxgE3Vfwjg3TZdSTUZ7dxx8pKO9ysBbeA/s400/clifford.jpg" width="336" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, that's me on the left.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Most years, I've gone as a member of the media. I've searched for children's books to review for parenting publications, and publishers to write about for writers' publications. There's no shortage of either. But what makes it so special for me is that it makes all the invisible people real.<br />
<br />
All year long, I write by myself at my computer for these invisible agents, editors, and publishers who I've never met. In some cases, I haven't even talked to them on the phone. We just e-mail back and forth, back and forth, all the way from start to finish of a project. And fellow writers, too, who've shared jokes with me on Twitter and followed my life with my daughter on Facebook... they became real corporeal beings instead of screen names and profile photos. I could touch them. I could hug them. My people were no longer my imaginary friends.<br />
<br />
There is a sense of belonging that I don't even realize I'm missing until I find it. We are the people who think books matter. We are here. We are funny and opinionated and smart and interesting and weird. Some of us don't even wear glasses or have 12 cats. Some of us do, and that's okay, too. Once a year, I remember that I have a tribe. I can talk freely without dumbing down my language with them. We can gush about wonderful typefaces and brilliant chapter endings. <br />
<br />
Steven Colbert did a super job kicking off the breakfast this year. "This, right here, is the Lollapalooza of quietly reading to yourself. So let us all jump into the mosh pit of imagination and get elbowed in the face with words."<br />
<br />
Junot Diaz spoke next. "I saw you guys lining up at, like, 7 a.m. and earlier. You guys are amazing. You're like my heroes. I was always such a nerdy kid. I always dreamed of lining up at 6:30 a.m. to do something with books."<br />
<br />
Then came adorable Barbara Kingsolver, who talked about how she thought it was amazing that she was in the orbit of someone as cool as Stephen Colbert. "Our real guilty pleasure when we're in work avoidance mode is we read the dictionary. In a moment of true degeneracy, we'll play solitaire.We're not that cool. These are not the elements of celebrity. And you know, celebrity is everything. We have celebrity chefs and celebrity housewives and celebrity criminals and celebrity celebrities. That's a real category. It has occurred to me that the profession in which you're least likely to get a book contract is 'writer.'" <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAtZT2hXcL5WcO_SIGDeZjRVie9UKA40iRgZOubhm04YQRYl2mvU-RaPn2RsFtpZv7GOIaaczUi7dtwK-oSuXMjN57MJ59ULPzNr1_DRUyRRVAjIAcDdQ8IQNVZNkRRhGzi5orw/s1600/barbara.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFAtZT2hXcL5WcO_SIGDeZjRVie9UKA40iRgZOubhm04YQRYl2mvU-RaPn2RsFtpZv7GOIaaczUi7dtwK-oSuXMjN57MJ59ULPzNr1_DRUyRRVAjIAcDdQ8IQNVZNkRRhGzi5orw/s1600/barbara.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Barbara Kingsolver</td></tr>
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For me, BEA 2012 started with a hug from my very pregnant editor from Berkley, Shannon Jamieson Vazquez, and moved on to a great chat with my publisher friend from Simon & Schuster, Jonathan Merkh. He told me about one of his favorite recent successes, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Thread-11-Year-Old-Panhandler-Executive/dp/1451642512/ref=jennag-20" target="_blank">An Invisible Thread</a> by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski. I was immediately smitten, and the author was standing right in front of me, telling me that she felt like all the success-- the NY Times List, a movie offer, wonderful reviews-- was happening to a good friend of hers, but that it was still too unbelievable that it was happening to her.<br />
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Then I ran around trying to get quotes about how children's publishing is-- or isn't-- moving with the times. (Mixed results: some, like Disney Books, are emphasizing their digital offerings, while many smaller publishers are steadfastly remaining print only. Scholastic is giving away ebook versions with sales of many of its print books.)<br />
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One of the great perks of BEA is the plentiful free books. You can pick up all the free ARCs and books you can carry, and they ask for a $1 donation per book in the autographing area. I was so giddy about this my first year that I wound up with two giant tote bags plus about three shopping bags full, and I needed a crane to get me onto the subway. It was like in movies where a boat is sinking because it's too heavy, and people have to throw stuff overboard so they won't drown. I had to give away half my books just so I'd be able to take the train home unassisted. <br />
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There are also in-booth autographing sessions. I wanted to cover as much ground as possible in my limited time, so I didn't stand on any long lines this year, but I saw some impressive ones-- lines that snaked all over the floor for William Joyce and Gretchen Rubin and Michael Bolton. Oh, I so wanted to tell the latter I loved his concert in '89. I was 14, and can still remember the tears streaming down my face... <i>how am I supposed to </i>live<i> without you?</i> <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">William Joyce</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gretchen Rubin</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Michael Bolton with someone who is not me</td></tr>
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The only really sad part of BEA each year is the number of self-published authors who sit at their booths or in the autographing area completely unable to attract anyone over, even for a free book. There are always a couple of supportive spouses or parents standing by the autographing area trying to get someone-- ANYONE-- to go over and take a free autographed book by their loved ones.<br />
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"Look! There's no line! And it's an awesome book!" they'll say, and my heart will break, and sometimes I'll do it out of pity. But then you get the kooks who go further than that-- like this year's winner who spoke broken English and actually followed me around begging me to take a book about Brazil that I had no interest in whatsoever, then suggested that I come back tomorrow for another free book of his that I had no interest in whatsoever.<br />
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Another self-pubber had spotted someone with a coveted "Book Seller" badge and launched into sales mode. "You can order my book from Ingram!" he said. "But it's weird... because it's self-published, you have to back-order it."<br />
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When one self-published author saw that my badge said "Writer/Reviewer," she asked me how much I charged for reviews. My heart broke again. Folks, you don't pay reviewers. The reviewers who try to charge you have a name: Scam Artists. <br />
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I was unable to summon any pity for these folks, though. Can you see why?<br />
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Whoever did the expo layout this year had a twisted sense of humor, putting the raucous Ellora's Cave (erotica) booth filled with beefcakes next to a Christian publisher and across from a children's publisher. The Christian publisher could be heard grumbling about being placed next to <i>these guys</i>, who were wearing muscle shirts that read, "Got Sex?"<br />
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Amazon showed up this year to exhibit, but so did this character from Usborne, who I managed to meet right as the show closed down:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Randall White</td></tr>
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Wednesday's breakfast was again filled with big authors, including John Green, who Chris Colfer described as the literary world's Justin Bieber. John said, "I do believe someday soon someone will create some multimedia text-based narrative that lights the app world on fire, but I don't think it will be successful because it has a lot of bells and whistles or social media integration or whatever-- I think it will will succeed because of its story. I believe that story trumps <i>everything</i>." He got a big round of applause and said, "To be fair, it's like being in a room full of elephants as an elephant talking about how great elephants are."<br />
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Lois Lowry came next-- her second time speaking at BEA. The first time was 25 years ago. "They always tell you to write what you know. I think it makes more sense to write what you don't know... to write what makes you uneasy, what you wonder about, what keeps you awake at night." <br />
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One of the bigger changes since I started going to BEA is that there are fewer editorial people attending. It was once a given that editors would be at BEA, but in the last three years, with budgets being slashed, that's not always the case.<br />
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Along with that comes an important point I want to make for writers considering attending BEA: This is a sales and marketing event for the publishers. It's not like a writers' conference-- and it's not a good time for you to show up with your query or book proposal and try pitching to publishers. It's just the wrong event. They'll probably smile at you politely and tell you to e-mail them, but they don't like it-- I've asked. They're there to tell you about their books, not to have you pitch them yours.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Workman Publishing</td></tr>
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My biggest disappointment stemmed from my limited time at BEA-- I'm on a book deadline and couldn't stay today. So I missed the "Future of Children's Publishing" panel that I really wanted to attend, and I missed meeting with some of the authors and editors I wanted to not be invisible. I did hear that Andrew Shaffer's autograph line was ridiculous, though, which filled me with a sense of joy... despite that this makes two years in a row that I've managed not to meet him. <br />
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I don't know the numbers, but I can tell you that it feels like attendance was up this year compared to last year, and I did see more editors this year than last. It felt like there was a lot to be excited about. With all the hubris about how publishers should be scared about their future, I didn't see a lot of fear. I saw enthusiasm about books. I saw authors thanking their publicists (for real!), and publishers excited about their lists, and people lining up to shake their favorite authors' hands because good books still matter. Bring on the champagne and party hats.<br />
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We're here. We're book nerds. Get used to it!<br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-16984706959777653642011-11-30T00:33:00.007-05:002011-11-30T03:57:14.591-05:00Bernie Fine and Jerry Sandusky: Let's Never Shut Up About This AgainThis year marked 25 years since I was raped. I've never been quiet about it because it never occurred to me that I should feel embarrassed. After all, I was 10, and I was asleep in bed when a serial rapist kidnapped me from my bedroom... not a lot there that I need to feel responsible for. I'm sorry that any rape survivor feels any different, because regardless of circumstances, you are not responsible or to blame for what happened to you, either. No matter what.<br /><br />My rapist is up for parole right now. I've already given my victim impact statement to the parole board and I'm just waiting for an answer. If he gets out of prison, my life will be very different, and you may not see me here anymore.<br /><br />That's because our justice system and our community is really, really screwed up with regard to sex crimes. First off, there is no reason on the planet for a serial rapist <span style="font-style: italic;">ever </span>to get out of prison. Now make it a serial rapist who also raped children, and I don't understand why this person even deserves to be alive right now. But that's beside the point.<br /><br />I was one of the lucky ones. I told my story to the police, I was believed, and my rapist was caught before the statute of limitations ran out (in New York, a paltry 5 years-- that's right, if the rapist evades capture for 5 years, even if DNA evidence proves he did it, he's a free man and can never be convicted for that crime). He went to trial in three counties and was found guilty and sentenced to the maximum-- 25 years "to life."<br /><br />I was assured at the time that he'd never get out. Except that was a lie. He's getting out. "Life," as defined by NY State, is 35 years. So sometime between next month and 10 years from now, he will be out.<br /><br />Yet I'm still one of the lucky ones. At least I had these 25 years. I didn't have to look over my shoulder and wonder when he'd be back for revenge, as he promised when he let me go. He told me then that he'd come back for my 4-year-old sister.<br /><br />My daughter is now 4.<br /><br />Other people don't get those 25 years. Even if they manage to be heard and believed and the crime is investigated and makes it to trial and the rapist is convicted... even after all that, the sentence may still be a joke. Take, for instance, what I just found in my state's sex offender registry. Took me five seconds to find that a man in my town convicted of 1st degree sexual abuse involving intercourse with a 7-year-old girl spent 16 days in county jail, and then was sentenced to 5 years of probation.<br /><br />Yep, that sounds like justice, doesn't it? He's even smiling in his mug shot.<br /><br />Through the years as I've shared my story, I've heard from probably 40 or 50 women who've told me that they were also raped. It's a terrible sisterhood we share, a club that none of us wants to belong to. But then there are the men... four of them who've confided in me that they were also sexually abused as kids.<br /><br />Being raped is a steaming pile of shit for anyone, but in particular for a boy. In addition to all the other emotions you go through-- worthlessness, self-blame, depression, betrayal, and so on-- now you also have this additional stupid stigma that you weren't "manly enough" to fight it off. There are fewer men out there talking about it, fewer support groups, and I presume it's even easier to feel alone and crazy. I felt alone and crazy until college, when I met a group of women who, it turned out, were all going through the very same crap I was-- hypervigilance, overreactions to triggers, trust issues, and so on.<br /><br />When I read about Jerry Sandusky and then Bernie Fine and their heinous sexual crimes against boys, I thought about the men I know who've been abused. All those terrible people who didn't do a damn thing for the victims... all the people who SAW or KNEW that men were raping little boys and were too chickenshit or too uncaring to actually, y'know, DO something about it... and I thought, "That's exactly why rape victims don't come forward."<br /><br />Far too often, we're not believed, or even if we are believed, it's just too horrible for society to think about-- so they do anything they can NOT to think about it. They pretend we're not really here, that it's not really so bad. They take this huge thing we just summoned up the guts to share and they do nothing about it. They fail us. They move on with their lives and we wonder why we can't move on with ours. People would much rather pretend that this stuff is so rare as to be inconsequential. But it's not rare.<br /><br />There are child molesters and rapists in your community. They <span style="font-style: italic;">are</span> in your church, they <span style="font-style: italic;">are</span> working in your schools, they <span style="font-style: italic;">are</span> on line next to you at the grocery store. You've probably made pleasant small talk with a child molester without ever realizing it. He (it's usually a "he") seems nice. A pillar of the community. "He would never do something like that"... except that he would. They live in Idaho and in North Carolina just the same as they live in New York and California.<br /><br />If you need proof, then use the resources that proponents of Megan's Law fought for. Take a quick look at <a href="http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Conditions.aspx">your state's sex offender registry</a>. Now, keeping in mind that these are people who were <span style="font-style: italic;">caught</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">convicted</span> and haven't yet <span style="font-style: italic;">aged out</span> of the system. If you really want to feel ill, scroll down to the fine print about their sentences. See how many child molesters get nothing more than probation?<br /><br />So here's the thing... let's take this Sandusky and Fine stuff and actually do something productive about it. We can all shake our heads and say "tsk tsk" and then go read the next scandalous story, and then nothing will actually change. Or we can go after our elected officials and MAKE THEM make some changes or kick them out of office.<br /><br />Here's one: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Abolish the statute of limitations for rape. </span><br /><br />Bobby Davis found out that when he came forward about Fine's abuse, it was too late-- police wouldn't bother doing an investigation because the statute of limitations had run out. That's disgusting. Fine didn't miraculously become innocent of raping a small boy because some invisible timer had run out. Rape does not have an expiration date. Tell that to your state senators and assemblymen.<br /><br />Here's two: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Increase prison terms for sex offenders.</span><br /><br />Convicted child molesters and rapists should not have a chance to rape someone else's child. This is not a "three strikes and you're out" kind of crime. One is enough. Raping ONE child should mean life in prison without the possibility of parole, period. <span style="font-style: italic;">Probation is bullshit.</span><br /><br />Here's three: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Prosecute those who see or know about sex crimes and do not report to authorities.</span><br /><br />They have aided and abetted a rapist and deserve to be criminally punished. That includes churches who hide away their priests and pastors who've committed sex crimes, wives who know their husbands are rapists, and everything in between. If you know someone has raped someone, the time to call police is NOW.<br /><br />And a few other things I want to say...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BOBBY DAVIS and MIKE LANG</span>, you are heroes. You are amazing for speaking out the way you are. You're amazing for not letting people sweep you under the rug.<br /><br />"I don't want this to happen to anybody else," Mike said.<br /><br />I wish I could guarantee that. What I can guarantee, though, is that because of people like you, there are other men who will feel less alone and less crazy. You're encouraging people to speak out, and you're showing the world that male sexual abuse survivors have nothing to be ashamed of.<br /><br />It's not your fault. It's not the other survivors' fault. The fault lies with the criminals who did this and the people who allowed them to do it, time and again-- people like the district attorney and university police who let Sandusky get away with it the first time, Penn State coach Joe Paterno, athletic director Tim Curley, senior VP for finance and business Gary Schultz, everyone at The Second Mile who knew about what Sandusky had done and let him get away with it after an "internal review," wrestling coach Joseph Miller (who watched Sandusky molest a boy), graduate assistant Mike McQueary (who watched Sandusky molest a boy); Bernie Fine's wife, everyone at ESPN who heard the tape of Fine's wife and didn't bother telling police about it, detectives who blew off Bobby Davis the first time around, the police chief who actively tried to block the DA's investigation after Mike Lang came forward...<br /><br />Sadly, the list goes on and on. Imagine how life might have been different if even ONE of those people had the guts to do what was right. Other boys might not have been abused.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">TYLER PERRY</span>, you are amazing for telling your story, and for your wonderful <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/11/27/tyler-perry-s-open-letter-to-penn-state-11-year-old.html">letter to the 11-year old Penn State survivor</a>.<br /><br /><br /><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.malesurvivor.org/">MALESURVIVOR.ORG</a>, thank you for being there. Men who have been abused, there's a place to seek some understanding.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BERNIE FINE, JERRY SANDUSKY</span>, and every other schmuck out there who's abusing children and getting away with it, I do hope you die miserably, in as much pain as inhumanly possible, slowly. I wish horrors upon you that I can't even dream up.<br /><br />Child molesters get away with their crimes because people don't want to talk about it. Let's never shut up about this again. Let's keep talking about it until we drive this stuff into the light and make it unacceptable for anyone to get a "pass." Don't be afraid to speak up because the man is a respected community member, or doesn't <span style="font-style: italic;">look</span> like a child molester. We are responsible for people who can't speak up for themselves. Children need our protection. Let's not fail another one.<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-61760664601001833782011-09-19T15:40:00.005-04:002011-09-19T16:55:38.991-04:0010 Simple Steps for the Newly-Single MomI want to tell you the secrets I've learned, because it's taken me almost 4 years to get here and I don't want to keep this stuff to myself anymore. It's valuable stuff. Life-changing, to be sure, but not in the ways you might think.<br /><br />When you first start out as a single mom, no matter who did the leaving, you think:<br /><br /><em>This sucks.</em><br /><br />And you're right and wrong. Parts of it are going to suck, but parts of it are going to be so good that they'll cancel out the sucking. So let me tell you the important bits:<br /><br /><strong>1. You don't need a new man to replace the old one.</strong><br /><br />Some newly-single moms think, "OMG! I can't do this alone! I'd better grab me a replacement man, pronto!" and others think, "I'm never getting married again as long as I live." Somewhere in between, the right answer probably exists. I can tell you that jumping into a new relationship right away will rob you of your chance to find the real goodies hidden in single motherhood, and that you probably won't make the best choices if you're wearing Eau de Desperation. Try just taking time to be with yourself and your kids because it can really pay off in unexpected ways.<br /><br /><strong>2. You'll figure it out.</strong><br /><br />In the beginning, it all looks so overwhelming-- "How am I going to do this? How am I going to do that?"<br /><br />You just will. When it comes down to it, you'll figure it out. Try not to freak out about things that are six or more months down the line, because everything can change in six months. Take what's on your plate now and make it work. You can do it.<br /><br /><strong>3. Downsizing can be liberating.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Separation or divorce usually means learning to live with less-- a smaller home, less "stuff," a less expensive car, etc. Before resisting moving, just try looking around. Consider how it might feel to get a true fresh start in a fresh place, no bad memories lurking in the walls or under the floorboards waiting to grab your ankles and trip you up. Consider how there will be less to clean, and that you won't have to take anyone else's tastes into consideration.<br /><br /><strong>4. Don't sell what you'll regret. Sell everything else.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />You probably don't need half the stuff you've accumulated through the years. Aunt Edith won't notice that you sold the tea set she bought you for your bridal shower. She'd be glad to know you got a few bucks for it and used it toward something you actually need now, like, y'know, food. Use Craigslist, eBay, garage sales, consignment stores. Don't waste your time listing $5 items on Craigslist and then sitting around all day waiting for someone to show up to pick it up, but anything you think you can get $20 or more for is worth listing.<br /><br />For the cheaper stuff, consider using the honor system: "I'll leave the lamp by my front door. If you decide to take it, please leave $5 under the mat." That way you don't have to wait around and schedule times, and if someone steals it, big freakin' deal.<br /><br />Don't sell all the baby clothes. Keep some to make a quilt someday.<br /><br /><strong>5. Instead of calling a repairman, use YouTube.</strong><br /><br />Not sure how to put in shelves, install a disposal under your sink, change a tire, or figure out what kind of wall anchor you need to hang a heavy clock? Instead of calling for help or abandoning the project, first look for videos on YouTube that will show you exactly what to do.<br /><br /><strong>6. Buy these things.</strong><br /><br />Here are some things I think all single ladies should have:<br /><br /><ul><br /><li>A good cordless drill. I was lucky enough to get <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Makita-6337DWDE-14-4-Volt-2-Inch-Cordless/dp/B00009OYFB/ref=jennag-20">this Makita one</a> second-hand. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/DEWALT-DC720KA-Cordless-18-Volt-Compact/dp/B000X1TYO4/ref=jennag-20">This DeWalt one</a>'s a little cheaper. </li><br /><li>A ladder. (Got mine for $39 at Home Depot.)</li><br /><li>A toolbox filled with nails, screws, wall anchors, pliers, wrenches, etc. in assorted sizes. And, of course, a good hammer. And I love <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00009V431/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=jennag-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B00009V431">this screwdriver</a>. </li><br /><li>Jumper cables.</li><br /><li>A solid deadbolt lock.</li></ul><br /><strong>7. Don't waste your time or energy on badmouthing.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Sure, vent a few times when you need to, but then move on and realize that (1) it's usually in the kids' best interest to have their father in their life regularly (I won't get into the situations when it's not in their best interest, but use your judgement), (2) you don't want them to overhear you and be confused about their loyalties or about what love means, and (3) negative thoughts can just weigh you down. Lighten your load and do as little thinking as possible about people who bring you stress. Redirect your focus on people and things that bring you joy.<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>8. Keep a daily organizer on your desk.</strong><br /><br />There are things you'll probably need to keep track of now that you might never have had to track before. Do you know when garbage days and recycling days are? Do you know when bills are due? Buy an organizer with a decent amount of room to write every day, and use the space to note everything from birthday parties to triple-manufacturer's-coupon day at the grocery store.<br /><br /><strong>9. Take what's offered.</strong><br /><br />Pride is expensive. You can't afford pride. Plus, pride is idiotic. Look, if you need stuff and people are willing to give you stuff, take the stuff.<br /><br />No one needs to go hungry in America. There are food pantries and soup kitchens that you can go to, no questions asked and no judgments passed. There are community centers and churches that can point you to places to get clothes and school supplies, free or cheap health insurance, and even temporary shelters. Before it gets desperate, look into these programs and don't be embarrassed to need them. That's what they're there for. Use them as long as you have to, then move ahead with your head held high and pay it forward when you're able. You'll get there, too.<br /><br /><strong>10. Bask in your amazingness.</strong><br /><br />You are SuperMom. You are so capable and smart and strong. You can do this. Go ahead, let it get to your head. Fix that darn leak in the sink yourself and then brag to all your Facebook friends about it. This is where the goodies come in... if you let yourself be single, you'll learn that you are capable of more than you imagined. You'll be more whole and at peace. It's not about giving attitude and saying, "I don't need a man!" It's about feeling great about yourself and choosing to share your life with someone else only when and if you feel really good about it and ready to do so. But by then, you'll have learned so much more about yourself that you'll be an even better mate. And if you choose to stay single, that's okay, too!<br /><br />Allow your priorities to change. Allow yourself to make new friends, aside from the ones you shared with your ex. Find things that make you feel good about yourself and do them. Exercise, knit, play guitar, whatever.<br /><br />But mostly, treat yourself with kindness and know that you're doing the best job you can for your kids and yourself. What they need from you more than anything else is love, and you've got that. Even when all else fails, you've got that, and no one can take it away from you.<br /><br />You're amazing, Mom. You can do this.<br /><br /><br /><img border="0" alt="Photobucket" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-37969834103599514752011-05-23T01:13:00.005-04:002011-05-23T02:35:35.528-04:00Dear New Writer (Who Probably Googled 'Book Publishers for New Authors' to Get Here)This just landed in my inbox, and I'm going to publish it here because I get a variation of this letter at least once a month. It's starting to make me a little loopy.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><blockquote>Dear Jenna, I've completed my first manuscript a few months ago and have since received 7 acceptance letters, however 5 are from "self-publishing" companies. One from PA and one from Dorrance. PA has already sent me a sample contract and an Aug. 1st deadline but after reading your comments, now I more confused then ever. Bottom line, I have no funds for Publishing law firms nor Self-Publishing companies. I'm looking for the name of a legit company that can help me without costing an arm and a leg. </blockquote><br /><br />Okay, new writers, this one's for you. Let's dissect what's wrong with this question:<br /><br />He says has received 7 acceptance letters, but five are from "self-publishing companies." (Which are not actually "acceptances," but rather sales pitches.)<br /><br />Our first dilemma is that he sent at least five self-publishing companies his manuscript.<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />Unless you are seeking to self-publish on purpose, and you have a good reason to do so (we'll get to that in a minute), then there's no reason to send your manuscript to any of them. However, many, many writers think it's a good idea to find publishers by Googling things like "publishers that want new writers" and "book publishers for new authors." Even just Googling "book publisher" is a very bad idea. You know who works really hard on search engine placement to attract never-been-published authors? Vanity presses. (Or "self-publishing companies," whichever wording you prefer.) Real book publishers are not trying to get themselves on top of search engines to attract writers-- they have plenty of submissions as it is, and their business is to sell books, not to attract more submissions from inexperienced writers.<br /><br />If you spent the time writing a manuscript, then do right by yourself and spend time doing the research necessary to find it a good home.<br /><br />It's not difficult. It's moderately time consuming, but isn't your book worth a few days of research?<br /><br />Okay, so onto our second dilemma. He says he has 7 acceptances, but 5 are from self-publishers. Am I to take it to mean that he has two offers from legitimate commercial publishers, but he's still trying to figure out who to trust among the self-publishing firms? Sorry, I don't buy it. I just plain don't.<br /><br />But I'll skip over that. Here's the thing: PUBLISHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY <strong>YOU.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>You are not supposed to pay a publisher for anything at any time.</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />You're not supposed to worry about costing "an arm and a leg"-- you're supposed to worry about how to spend your advance money. If you're a nonfiction writer who can't get a real publisher to pay you a real advance, <em>something is probably wrong with your submission.</em><br /><br />Nonfiction is sold on the basis of a book proposal. I've written lots and lots about proposals; I won't get into it here except to say that even if your whole manuscript is complete, you STILL need to show a proposal first. It contains information that's not in a manuscript, such as your target audience, your marketing plans, an analysis of competing books, your qualifications, etc. Some agents will look at a book proposal unsolicited, but most prefer that you first submit a query letter the summarizes it first, then if they give you the go-ahead, you submit the proposal.<br /><br />For fiction, you'll need to write the whole manuscript (but submit a query letter before submitting the manuscript or sample chapters). And I don't judge things the same way with fiction, nor am I an expert in this arena-- I know there's quality fiction out there that doesn't find a publisher for reasons unrelated to quality of writing. But I digress.<br /><br />I suggest sending out your query to a small group of agents before anything else. This way, you'll get a little feedback before sending it to your next group. If your first group all reject the query, you'll know to rewrite it. If they reject the proposal/manuscript, try to learn from any feedback you receive and move on.<br /><br />Over and over, I get e-mails with some variation of, "I'm a new writer and I don't know who to trust. Can you tell me the name of a company to send my work to?"<br /><br />First, no. I've done my homework for 14 years and I'm not about to do yours for you, too. (Not <em>you</em>, of course. You wouldn't ask me to. I know.)<br /><br />Look, here's who to trust: THE PUBLISHERS WHOSE WORK YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE ON BOOKSTORE SHELVES, AND AT WAL-MART, AND AT CVS, AND IN LIBRARIES.<br /><br />Google is NOT the place to look for a publisher. Think about your goals: If your main goal is to get a book published and actually see it in Barnes & Noble, then go to Barnes & Noble. (No, I'm not speaking metaphorically. I literally mean: just go there. It's the least you can do if this is your big goal.)<br /><br />Once you're there, look for books that are similar to yours in content or theme. Now write down the names of the publishers who published them.<br /><br />Then look at the acknowledgments pages and write down the people you see thanked inside: editors and agents.<br /><br />You now have a list of who to trust. How hard was that?<br /><br />Those are the people who actually managed to get a book published and on bookstore shelves. Self-publishing/vanity publishing companies are not going to do that for you.<br /><br />I'm not opposed to self/vanity publishing. I think there's a place for it and that it can peacefully coexist with traditional publishing. I think which way you go depends a lot on your goals...<br /><br /><ul><br /><br /><li>If you just want to have something in print for friends and family, go for it. (I've used <a href="http://www.lulu.com/">http://www.lulu.com/</a> for this.) </li><br /><br /><li>If you know you have a very limited market and publishers aren't interested, but you want to get it out there anyway, fine. </li><br /><br /><li>If there's a reason you need to get something out very quickly, it may be your only option.<br /></li><br /><li>If you're a published author who wants to get your out-of-print books back in print and you can't find a publisher to reprint them, it's probably better than nothing. (I say "probably" because poor self-publishing sales could hurt your chances of a new contract.)</li><br /><br /><li>If you have a built-in audience that you know you can sell to, then it may work out great for you. If you do a lot of public speaking or performing and you just want to have a book to sell from the back of the room afterwards, or you have a dedicated online following, then self-publishing may be the thing. It offers a higher profit margin per book, meaning that you need to sell fewer books total to make the same money as you would publishing with a commercial press. </li></ul><br /><br /><br /><p>But keep in mind that with companies like iUniverse, Xlibris, PublishAmerica (don't... just don't... whatever you do, don't go with this one), their average authors sell about 75 copies.</p>75 copies. In total. Ever. And all authors think they'll be the exception.<br /><br />I can point to a growing number of self-publishers who did it right and have been successful at it, but it's nowhere near as simple as, "Write a book, send it to Xlibris, sit back and watch royalties come in." There's no way for me to even summarize all the relevant editorial, production, marketing, and distribution steps here. I'm not going to try, because what I really want to say is:<br /><br />Slow down. Don't expect others to give you all the answers. It's awful finding out that you just signed over the rights to your manuscript to a company that's going to do nothing for you, that your book will never see the light of a bookstore, and that you're not going to get a second chance because a real publisher isn't going to look at your "Oops, I made a mistake" book that sold 75 copies.<br /><br />You probably have one shot with this book. Get it right. Slow down.<br /><br />Once you have your list of agents and editors, then is the time to run things through Google, and <a href="http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/">http://www.publishersmarketplace.com</a>, and <a href="http://www.agentquery.com/">http://www.agentquery.com</a>. Find out who's selling what and who's buying what. Find out which of those agents and editors have moved around since you read those acknowledgments. Find out their submission guidelines and follow them.<br /><br />And our last dilemma from the letter: "I'm looking for the name of a legit company that can help me without costing an arm and a leg."<br /><br />He's looking at it wrong. Publishers are not in business to "help" writers. They're in business primarily to sell books and make money... which, in turn, <em>does </em>help writers, but not in the way I suspect he means.<br /><br />Legitimate publishers cannot afford to be do-gooders who pick up unknown writers' works just to be sweet and kind and make someone's dream come true. If they did, they'd all be out of business and those of us who've actually made writing our life's work would be furious. New writer, your work has to <em>compete</em>. If you can't compete with experienced writers, then you're not ready to submit yet. Publishing is a business with small profit margins, and publishers need to make smart investments. "Hey, this writer has potential" is not good enough. Publishers have to believe that your work is going to have an audience, and that audience is going to spend their hard-earned money on your book in sufficient numbers to warrant all the work and money that's going to go into producing it.<br /><br />The cold, hard truth is that most new writers who are running around submitting like this don't have a chance of actually getting published. Whether they can change that with hard work, study, critique groups, etc., I have no idea. Some can, some can't. But many newbies overestimate their readiness and expect publishers to have some kind of soft spot for them. It just doesn't work this way. Most editors and agents are thrilled to help someone get their first big break-- but only if that person has earned it. You earn it by writing something great, and editing it until it's terrific, and submitting it to people who are appropriate for it.<br /><br />And not PublishAmerica. Ever.<br /><br />Are we at least clear on that?<br /><br /><img border="0" alt="Photobucket" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-15950057346756501922011-04-01T00:03:00.010-04:002014-05-12T17:58:23.861-04:00In Search of Zzzzs: A Review of the Tempflow MattressLike most people, I lead a very busy life. Sleep is a precious commodity that I don't get enough of on a regular basis. I could tell you all my reasons, but I bet you have your own. So when it comes to sleep, I want to make the most of every minute of it-- and that starts with having a comfortable bed and pillow.<br />
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My parents bought me a new mattress for Christmas in 2009. It was a fancy pillowtop one from Sleepy's, fairly high end. I liked it in the store, but when it came to actually sleep on it at home, I woke up with a stiff neck the first morning. I thought that maybe I just needed to get used to it, so I gave it some time... but it just wasn't comfortable for me. I was planning on returning it, but then my daughter crawled into bed with me one night and had an accident. My waterproof mattress pad had melted in spots in the dryer, so it failed me. Big stain. There went my ability to return the mattress. I was seriously bummed.<br />
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What I'd wanted, but was afraid to try, was a memory foam mattress. I adore memory foam toppers, so I wondered what it would be like to sleep on an entire mattress made of foam. Enter the good people at Relief-Mart, who agreed to send me a <a href="http://www.tempflow.com/">Tempflow</a> mattress and pillow to review. I was thrilled because the Tempflow promised some solutions to typical problems with memory foam.<br />
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One of the complaints people often have about memory foam is the initial odor-- it can give off a chemical smell that makes it unpleasant to sleep on for the first week or so, and when a topper or mattress arrives compressed, you have to wait for it to "plump up." Not so in this case-- it arrived in its "fully plumped" state and with no chemical odor, so I was able to sleep on it the first night.<br />
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Now, I haven't done any in-depth research on the chemical properties of memory foam, but it seems pretty common-sensical (yes, I made that up) to me that something that smells toxic <i>can't be healthy to sleep on</i>. You're breathing that in every night, in addition to having it right up against your skin. Anecdotally, I've heard people report respiratory and neurological problems that they traced to their memory foam, so I did a quick Google search and found articles such as <a href="http://www.medifasthealth.org/blog/2010/08/31/is-your-mattresses-poisoning-you/" title="blocked::http://www.medifasthealth.org/blog/2010/08/31/is-your-mattresses-poisoning-you/">this overview</a> that explains what kinds of chemicals may be present in memory foam and how they can affect us.<br />
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The Tempflow line of mattresses offers uses a special Biogreen memory foam that's been independently tested to be free of VOC (volatile organic compounds).<br />
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I used the white glove delivery service, which meant that two delivery guys came and literally took my old mattress off and put this one on for me. (Hey, thanks, guys.) It was a freezing cold day when they delivered it, so I was initially worried... I plopped right down on the bed and it was hard."Don't worry," they told me. "It's just because it was freezing in the truck. Give it a few minutes."I did, and they were right... it softened right up while we were talking, to the point where I sank deeply into it when I sat on it. It hasn't been hard ever again, even when my house has been cold, so it appears that it hardens up only in extremely cold temperatures.<br />
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It comes with a bamboo cover, which is wonderfully soft, hypoallergenic, and environmentally friendly.<br />
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The other common complaint about memory foam is that it can make you overheat, and I do tend to overheat at night, so I was worried about that. I read an article that showed the Tempflow transfered heat less than the <a href="http://www.spacedaily.com/tempurpedic-mattress-comparison.htm">Tempur-Pedic mattress</a>, but I had to find out for myself. As it turned out, my body temperature was no different on this memory foam than it had been on the pillowtop mattress. The Tempflow line comes standard with a patented airflow system (small holes through the memory foam that vent out the sides of the base foam so body heat doesn't get trapped).<br />
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It was strange to me to order a mattress without being able to test it out in person, but what's so terrific about Tempflow (a Relief-Mart company) is the level of customer service-- they ask detailed questions to determine what kind of memory foam bed will be right for you. I like really soft, plush beds, so that's what they sent me. But you can have a free personal consultation with their mattress expert, Dr. Rick Swartzburg, D.C. to go over what your needs and tastes are; they can actually custom design a mattress just for you, in whatever size you want, whatever thickness you want, whatever feel you want. That's what blew me away-- you're dealing with the manufacturer, in the United States, so it's completely different from ordering something from a store and having them place a bulk order to import from overseas. In this case, Tempflow uses a proprietary formulation that is made specifically for them by a U.S. foam manufacturer and Tempflow creates the mattresses in their own factory in California.<br />
So if you're a connoisseur who knows the difference between 4 and 5 pound density visco-elastic memory foam, you can be as specific as you want about your needs. Or if you're more like me, you can just say, "Um, soft, please," and let them handle the details.<br />
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The other tremendous benefit is their in-home trial policy: you get four months to try out your mattress. If you don't love it, they'll ship you a new one or refund your money, less shipping fees.<br />
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Now for the pillow.<br />
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It's awesome.<br />
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I've never felt anything like it. The darn thing is heavy. I mean, you wouldn't want to get into a pillow fight with this one because someone would wind up unconscious. It's called the <a href="http://www.tempflow.com/biogreen-pillows.htm">Ultraluxe</a>. It's filled with shredded memory foam, which provides a really supportive but soft feel. It's meant to feel like a down pillow, without the downsides of allergies and their tendency to flatten out over time. I've slept on down... it's similar, but this is a feel of its own that I can't say is just like anything else. Kind of like sleeping on soft clay. Wait, that doesn't sound all that appealing. You're just going to have to go with me on this. Soft clay, but in the good way.<br />
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It's wonderful for me as a stomach sleeper-- I have problems trying to adjust a pillow "just so" so I can still breathe with my face angled downward. This one alleviates that problem because it's so moldable. I can adjust the shredded foam just how I want it (I can even remove some if I want a less-stuffed pillow). My only problem is that my daughter keeps trying to claim it for herself.<br />
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If you've tried the Tempur-Pedic mattresses, but have been put off by the price, you can just tell the folks at Tempflow which model you liked, and they can recreate the same feel, using the same quality and density memory foam, for less. It's not a bargain shop, but they don't have the same overhead that Tempur-Pedic has.<br />
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I feel confident recommending <a href="http://www.tempflow.com/">Tempflow</a>.<br />
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<img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15184129.post-45348106577295670492011-03-16T14:25:00.004-04:002011-03-16T15:50:34.767-04:00Publishing and Me, and the Great Freakout of 2010When I started writing, older writers would often say things like, "The publishing world has changed! It's not like it was when I was starting." I'd wonder what publishing was like for them; they painted utopian pictures of editors who spent lots of time nurturing writers who showed promise but didn't have professional polish. They described bookstores giving "fringe" authors a chance, and not giving up on authors whose first books didn't sell well. They described publishing as a kind, gentle world where promotion was left up to the publishers and writers had nothing to do but work on their craft.<br /><br />I don't know how much of that was factual and how much was romanticized. My guess is about 50/50. It's true that when I began writing professionally in 1997, the publishing world had become more competitive, more prone to the chain bookstores' "bestseller" mentality (leaving less space on shelves for books with smaller audiences, regardless of how well-written they might be), and more likely to give up on writers who didn't sell well out of the starting gates.<br /><br />Probably the most important shift was to "platforms." No longer was publicity something we got to leave to others-- we had to get in there and stomp on those grapes ourselves and get our feet all stained purple and red if we expected to get some wine out of the deal. (Speaking of which, guh-ross!)<br /><br />Although there was talk of platforms in '97, it's overwhelming now. Agents and editors want to hear your book summary in the first breath, and your platform in the second. Your great book idea is unlikely to sell unless you have something to back up the marketing of that book-- speaking engagements, a radio show, a popular blog, a zillion Twitter followers. Which means that authors today are busier, and less focused on just the writing. We have to be skilled not only in writing great books, but also in making online "friends" and fans, speaking to the media, and generally drawing attention to ourselves. That suits some people fine, and others (like me) wish we could just write and leave the sales to someone else. There's a reason I switched majors away from advertising, you know.<br /><br />Most of my books are published by large and medium-sized presses. Some are small press books, and I've self-published a few niche titles and one anthology for charity. I wrote a few e-books back in the 90s and early 2000s, and I recently released one exclusively for Kindle. So, in short, I've published books in pretty much every way one can publish books. When I say I've written 19 books, I'm referring only to the ones that have been published by real publishers. In reality, I've probably written more like 26 or 27, but I don't count the others, just because I don't.<br /><br />If you were looking at a graph of my career as a writer, you'd see a nice steady upward climb, for the most part, since 1997. And then came 2010. What the hell happened in 2010? In my view, publishing collapsed.<br /><br />It didn't, of course. Books were still being published. But I went from being so in demand that I could pick and choose from a variety of great book offers to having to send out missives to every editor I ever worked with begging for assignments, and those assigmments paid less than they did a year earlier. I had to drop my "minimum" book fee and still couldn't find work. I second-guessed myself. I wondered if I should take up a career better suited to my strengths, like professional basketball. When my daughter told me she wanted to be a ghostwriter when she grew up, I just said, "Awww. That's sweet. Also, <em>no freaking way</em>."<br /><br />(I didn't say that. She was 3. I would have fired myself as her mother had I said that.)<br /><br />I confided in my writing friends that I was worried. Did I actually suck as a writer and it just took 13 years to catch up with me? "It's not you," they assured me. "It's everyone."<br /><br />The publishing world as we have always known it was and is in trouble. At least one major publisher put a moratorium on new submissions, saying that it was not acquiring any new books indefinitely. Bookstores closed. Chain bookstores focused more and more on their cafes and DVDs and gift products and less on books, and still are in trouble. Amazon began selling used books on the same screen as new ones. As the economy tanked, people bought fewer "luxury" books.<br /><br />One bright light in the well has been the emergence of popular e-readers, which was a long time coming. It took a lot of flops before we saw the Kindle and the Nook. But early evidence suggests that people who use e-readers buy a lot of books-- more than they would buy in print. And that's great, mostly. There's a new article out about how the vast majority of e-reading people claim they still buy almost as many paperbacks and hardcovers as before, but frankly, I don't believe them. And I don't believe that trend will continue if it is true. We're becoming an e-culture, and I, at 35, am already a dinosaur. I love my print books. Moreover, I love writing print books.<br /><br />Several of my books would not work as e-books. The Marilyn Monroe Treasures and Celine Dion: For Keeps are the most obvious-- they're gorgeous, oversized gift books filled with beautiful photo layouts and removable memorabilia in vellum envelopes. How am I going to get a removable marriage license into a Kindle? I'm not. And I'm not even going to make many sales on Amazon of books like that-- those are books that people have to see in person to appreciate. They have to walk into a bookstore and notice the gold foil cover and open the pages and feel the textures and be delighted at the beauty of the layouts and the intimate feel of the memorabilia. I love writing those books. A culture dedicated to e-reading will kill those books.<br /><br />A culture dedicated to e-reading will kill bookstores.<br /><br />It's something I didn't even want to acknowledge as a possibility before, so this is kind of a step for me, typing it out loud. Here's the trend I see as inevitable: as people are more able to buy books online and on e-readers, they are less likely to walk into bookstores and even book sections of megastores like Wal-Mart. As bookstores' profits continue to dwindle, they will have less money to invest in books that aren't guaranteed to sell. That means publishers will publish fewer books, focusing their efforts on books by celebrities and politicians and authors who have already hit bestseller status. Fewer options in bookstores will make readers even less likely to walk into a bookstore, considering that-- <em>at this moment</em>-- everything they want is at their fingertips on Amazon.<br /><br />"At this moment" is the key, because the cycle hasn't caught up with us yet: as publishers publish fewer books, consumers will no longer be able to find new books on every conceivable topic that are published by "reliable" publishers. That will shift toward self-publishers and e-presses. A major publisher is unlikely to publish a book with a small intended audience, so an author who wants to write that book will be foreced to either self-publish or forget the idea. But self-publishing means there are fewer guarantees for readers: the quality of self-published books is, at best, a risky gamble. Self-publishing authors often don't hire editors (or if they do, they don't hire qualified editors-- partly because they don't know any better); they don't have their work professionally copyedited and proofread and typeset and designed. In short, they don't go through all the same steps that are meant to ensure quality control in commercial publishing. (Again, let me emphasize the word "often," because I'm not trying to tick off the small portion of self-published authors who do actually follow all these steps.)<br /><br />And I'm not even judging the authors who don't follow those steps... it's expensive! Hiring all those professionals and paying for an ISBN and copyright and whatnot is expensive. Add that to the fact that you're not getting an advance and there are no guaranteed royalties, and you're talking one heck of a leap of faith for those who don't have a lot of money to begin with.<br /><br />So, end result, readers who buy self-published books are probably going to have a bunch of bad experiences with writers whose work isn't vetted, fact-checked, or properly designed. They may or may not get fed up enough to cut back on their book-buying habits altogether.<br /><br />And where does that leave us career authors?<br /><br />Again, in my Great Freakout of 2010, one of my other author friends who was previously very successful and had become... not so successful... told me that she had branched out. Now she was mostly taking on private clients for editing, consulting, and teaching work. She suggested I try that, too, but I was uncomfortable consulting and teaching when I was currently not succeeding at the very thing I would be teaching. I knew I had to get back on top before I could feel okay about telling others how to be a writer.<br /><br />I swallowed my pride and took on assignments I wouldn't have taken since my earliest freelancing days-- articles for local publications, cheapie articles for websites-- because this is all I have and my daughter and I need a place to live. But I felt miserable about it. Then I pulled out all the stops and began trying things I'd never done before: I took out some Google ads, put out an ad on Publishers Marketplace, joined ASJA, started handing out my business card to people who spoke at seminars, asked for meetings with a couple of great agents.<br /><br />And then the miracle happened. It wasn't just one thing or the other. I don't know how to pin it down, other than to say that I do believe the economy is rebounding a bit and people are more optimistic, but in the course of a couple of months, I got work... more work than I have ever been offered before in my entire career.<br /><br />The swing was phenomenal, from scraping by to having to turn down multiple projects each week because I was just too busy. They aren't all the same caliber I had before; whereas I had gotten very used to having editors and agents come to me with their best projects, now I'm taking on more private clients who don't yet have an agent or publisher. But I'm taking them on only if I believe they have what it takes to get commercially published, because I can't stand letting people down. And the advances are still down; an editor who might have offered me a $40,000 advance a few years ago now offers $20,000, and I'm supposed to split that with a ghostwriting client. But at least the assignments are there.<br /><br />When I mention that I have an overload of work now, I get a deluge of responses that say, "Give your extra work to meeeeee!," which shows me that not everyone is out of the woods, and that bums me out. When I first saw my work picking up, I hoped that meant that everyone's work was picking up and that the whole publishing world was coming back to living color again.<br /><br />I'm trying not to let all these offers get to my head, though. I hope that this means my career is permanently back on track and that I can look forward to decades of smooth sailing where I'll never have to freak out again, but I still feel the publishing trends of tomorrow breathing down my neck. I still fear that, long term, we're going to lose most of our bookstores and many of our publishers. I fear that the genres that are best suited to e-readers (like romance, fantasy, and practical nonfiction) will do well while the books that are more often "bookstore finds" (memoirs by unknowns, gift books, graphic novels, pop-up books, etc.) will fade away. I fear that talented authors who aren't skilled at interacting on Facebook or speaking at conferences will lose their place in the publishing world. I fear the sky is falling, and I want to get all of us to help hold it in place.<br /><br />I know I'm long on fears and short on solutions today. And I hope I'm wrong about most of it, and that e-readers really mean what the optimists think they'll mean. What I know is that for today, I'm okay, and my shelves are still full of wonderful books. My editors haven't lost their jobs, and the agents I work with are still getting by. There are a few new authors who are achieving stunning successes in the e-world in addition to the print world. For today, that will have to be enough, while we figure out who's in charge of holding up the sky.<br /><br /><br /><img border="0" alt="Photobucket" src="http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm237/Restored316/customerblogs/jennablogsig.jpg" />Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16027573834319181817noreply@blogger.com