I gardened.

Why does no one use the past tense of the verb "garden?" Seriously. No one says, "I gardened today." Everyone says, "I did some gardening today." Well, because I am a linguistic rebel, I shall tell you that I gardened.

And what I did when I gardened should truly astound and impress you, enough that I expect at least a few "ooohs" and "ahhhs" at the end of this post.

I removed a shrub using nothing but a pair of old kitchen scissors and my bare hands.

This is the shrub.

These are the scissors.

These are my bare hands.

While I was performing this undeniably astounding feat (don't deny it, you denier), some form of beetle crashed into my ear, so hard that it drew blood, which I did not notice until I tried to pull my hair into a ponytail later and wondered how I got blood all over my ear. Furthermore proving, of course, just how much of an action-adventure heroine I am becoming.

I am considering retitling this blog "Adventures of One Bad-Ass Momma." But I so rarely curse, and "Bad-Butt" lacks the proper punch.


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