Holy Pineapples, I Own a Dyson

It started about 10 years ago, when I became a homeowner for the first time. I inherited my grandparents' old Electrolux canister vacuum-- which worked just fine, but was a serious pain to lug around and vaguely smelly, and by the end, was being held together with duct tape. May it rest in peace.

What I had heard was that there was this magical vacuum called a Dyson that made people-- otherwise sane people-- actually like vacuuming. It was the strangest thing I'd ever read. First I figured they were members of Mr. Dyson's immediate family, but it was just too widespread. His family would have to be speed-typing insomniacs to write all those reviews.

How in the world could anyone actually write out loud that they LIKE vacuuming?, thought I. And it went even further than that; people actually wrote words like "I love my vacuum!" and "Vacuuming is fun now!" It was just crazy enough that I decided then and there that someday I had to own a Dyson.

A neighbor got one. I coveted it from afar.

It became a status thing in my mind. One day, when I was very, very rich, I was going to buy a Hawaiian island... and a Dyson.

Problem was, then I became a single mom to a toddler and Dysonland seemed even farther away. I bought a very cheap, but well-reviewed Hoover for my new place, and I tried so darn hard to like the beast. There HAD to be a reason why other people liked it, but I couldn't figure it out. The thing clogged every single time I used it, and I wound up spending more time taking it apart, poking wiry things through the hose, re-vacuuming after knocking the dust out, etc. than any human should ever spend on any cleaning activity.

One of the main problems was that I have fairly new carpets that are still shedding, and the cheap vacuum could not handle that at all. Each time I used it, I imagined it crying out to me, "For God's sake, woman! I cost $60! What did you expect of me?"

That's where Dyson stepped in... and sent me a vaccuum to review.

*cue: clouds parting. Insert sounds of Hallelujah chorus here*

What they sent me was this:

It is the Dyson DC25 Animal, their latest Ball vacuum.

I believe that this vacuum and I were meant to be together, and it has taken destiny this long to make it happen because destiny is a putz. Where were you last year, destiny?

The first time I used it, I had to empty the canister literally every room (and I had vacuumed using El Cheapo Piece of Junko about three days earlier). There were entire cats in that canister. It is so oddly satisfying SEEING the junk in your carpet in a clear canister rather than having it all hidden away in a bag, where one can only wonder what disgustingness might have lurked.

So, yeah, it took care of the cat hair and the shedding carpet. And it's lightweight and very manueverable: the ball means that you can turn it any which way you want while you're pushing this thing around. It's a very neat feature.

Then comes the coolest part for me: it's certified asthma-friendly by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. I'm lucky enough to be blessed with both asthma and allergies, and vacuuming has been a particular nightmare this allergy season. It has always seemed that my vacuums kicked up more stuff than they took care of. Not so with the Dyson, which has a lifetime HEPA filer that traps allergens.

The wand attachment is built right into the handle-- you just open a cap on top and the wand extends out from there. Very simple.

There are no bags to worry about, and it's easy to empty and put back together. The handle is ergonomic, and there's no need to change settings when switching from bare floors to carpet. The machine just knows.

Also, it's freakin' purple.

There are three details I'd love to see improved: 1. a larger canister, 2. a little more room to maneuver the wand-- it's kind of awkward as is, and 3. a retractable cord. All corded things in life should have retractable cords. Cords are very cordy.

Even soulmates, however, are not expected to be perfect. My love for my Dyson is unconditional and everlasting. I (heart) U, DC25 Animal.

But as far as the whole "Vacuuming is fun now" thing goes? Well, let's not get crazy. Let us draw the line at "significantly more tolerable than ever before."


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