Jenna Glatzer, Ghostwriter

It's funny-- if you had ever told me that I was going to become a nonfiction ghostwriter and actually LIKE it, well, I would have cocked my eyebrow at you something fierce. I probably would have even said, "Pshaw!" at you. In my school days, I thought the only kind of "fun" writing was fiction writing. And when I began nonfiction writing, it was only because I saw that it had better financial prospects; it's tough to make a living as a writer, period, but really tough to make a living as a fiction writer. But I did wind up liking nonfiction writing. Getting paid to learn stuff that interested me? What a deal! As I gained more experience, I began getting offers to ghostwrite books. Little did I know at the time that I'd find my calling there. My line of work has put me in touch with some amazing people, both of the celebrity variety and of the regular ol' phenomenal-person-next-door variety. It seems like no accident that I've written the books ...

At a birthday party she recently attended at a play center, Sarina announced to the group of 2- and 3-year-olds, "Everyone be quiet. I just put my baby to bed." And so she had... a baby doll in a plastic crib. She'd never shown an interest in "mothering" a doll before, but I was happy to encourage it, and the nice folks at Badger Basket sent me an amazing doll crib for her to try out for this review. The thing that appealed to me most about this crib is that it's not the typical child's toy-- that is, it's not a brightly-colored plastic monstrosity. Instead, it actually looks sweet and delicate, like a real piece of furniture. It's made of wood and MDF (wood composite) board. It took me about 20 minutes to assemble, which was not a difficult job, just a bit time-consuming. Getting the mobile strings to hang at the right height was the hardest part (the strings should probably be pre-cut shorter). The crib felt very sturdy when I was through, an...

After sharing the story of what happened when I witnessed child abuse in Marshalls (see my previous post), both here and on other forums, I received some good suggestions. The main suggestions were for me to call CPS and the police anyway, even though it was the following day and I had very little to go on. I decided it was worth the effort. First, I tried CPS. I told the story, but the worker informed me that they couldn't do anything without some kind of identification. I said that the store should have surveillance video, and she said, "That's the store's private property. We don't have any right to that video unless we get, like, a warrant. You'd have to go to the police. Maybe they could get it." I asked her what I could do in the future if something like this happened, and she said, "Get the license plate number." (Just like my mom said.) Next, I called the police's non-emergency number. The officer I spoke with was nice and listened we...

When Sarina and I arrived at Marshalls department store tonight and stood on line to return something, there was a bit of a commotion going on at the front registers. A little Spanish girl, 2 1/2, maybe 3 years old, was standing among the customers on line and she was shaking a little bottle of soda. She had a big grin on her face. The cashiers were trying to get her to stop, warning her that if she opened that cap, it was going to explode everywhere. They asked her where her mommy was. I'm not sure if the girl spoke English, or if she spoke at all yet. But she didn't move, and just kept on grinning and giggling as she shook up that soda. There was some buzz-- where was this girl's mother? A worker from the layaway desk called out, "She's in the Misses department. Since she walked in, she's just let her daughter walk around the store alone." After another minute or two, one of the workers tracked down the girl's mother. "You have to watch her,...

Update: Congratulations to winner Jon_Lefkove! “I want to show people that they can take the life God gave them and use it to do something extraordinary.” — Scott Rigsby 9 seconds. That’s how long it took for Scott Rigsby’s life to come crashing down around him. 16 hours, 42 minutes, 46 seconds. That’s how long it took for Scott Rigsby to make history. One day when Scott Rigsby was eighteen years old, he was riding in the back of a pickup truck that was towing a three-ton trailer. When the trailer was clipped from behind by an eighteen-wheeler, Scott was thrown over the side and dragged 324 feet before being pinned under the trailer. Later, at the hospital, his right leg was amputated—the first of twenty-six surgeries he would endure over the next ten years, including the loss of his other leg. Doctors said it would be more than a year before he could expect to walk again—let alone run. Eleven years later, Scott did the unthinkable . . . On October 13, 2007, after arduous training, h...

The rule is, if you read this, you have to tell me a random story from your life, too. Too late! You're already reading it! Those are the rules! Okay, my random story for today... On spring break from college, my roommate and I were being hit on fairly incessantly, as college ladies on spring break tend to be, and were tired of it. One man walked up to us and tried to start a conversation, and my roommate faked a peculiar accent and said, "No speak English." He asked, "What language do you speak?" "Swahili," she said. It seemed a pretty safe choice. Right until the moment when he said... "Ndio! Ninazungumza Kiswahili." The guy spoke Swahili. We stammered something stupid and left. Poor guy. But we learned out lesson... from then on, we claimed to speak only Norwegian. Your turn.

Abby Sunderland is a 16-year-old from California trying to become the youngest person ever to sail around the world alone. Her brother did it last year when he was 17, but was dethroned about a month later when another 17-year-old two months his junior also completed a solo circumnavigation. Abby started her journey in January. Oh yeah? Well, when I was 16, I... I... took second place in a contest to draw a poster for school concert. Yes, I did. Beat THAT, Abby!

I had this ridiculously big fibroid in my uterus until last Monday. That's when talented surgeon Jeannine Villella chopped it out of me. For those unfamiliar with these beasts, fibroids are (almost always) benign tumors that may be inside the uterus, attached to the uterine wall, or on a stalk outside the uterus. Mine was attached to the wall, and made my uterus the size of a 4 or 5-month pregnancy. It amazes me that the human body can work with a crazy invader like that taking up so much room. I was surprisingly calm, considering this was my first major surgery. The fibroid was squashing my other organs-- organs I like-- so I knew it had to come out. I had an operation called an abdominal myomectomy, and was warned that there could be horrific pain afterwards... but there wasn't. There's been a lot of discomfort, swelling, bloating, and pathetic-looking walking, but it was not the agony I had heard it could be. Huzzah! Now I'm under orders to take it very easy for the ...

About a month ago, I was in the Disney store and a cashier talked me into buying one of those foam thingees you can stick on your car antenna. I thought this was a wise idea, considering I am one of those people who often forgets where she parked. I bought a pink Minnie Mouse princess head thingee with glittering silver tiara, because I was sure Sarina would love it. I am positive it made it home with me, because I remember taking it out of the bag in my living room. However, it was never to be seen again. I think it accidentally got thrown away somehow. I've been thinking about it ever since, and arguing with myself about whether or not it's actually worth it to go back to the Disney store just to buy another antenna thingee. Finally, yesterday, I did. Walked in, told the cashier the story, and bought one more Minnie Mouse princess head thingee for $2.50. Drove home and thought, "I'd better just stick this right on my antenna right now before I lose it again." So...

These are a few of my favorite handmade things... MY PHOTO PENDANTS Soon after Sarina was born, I bought a photo pendant of her to wear on my necklace every day. Unfortunately, it fell apart. The silver stem fell out of it, and the finish on the photo itself was sticky and got dirty. Lots of sellers handmake these types of photo pendants, but not all of them know what they're doing. I went through four sellers-- I think-- before finding the one who I will (heart) forever and ever. I found Rebecca Shaw on etsy . About every three months, I get a new pendant from her... and they keep turning out better and better. She's a perfectionist (like me), so I always know they're going to be cut and finished just right. And even better, she does these for just $9, plus $1.75 shipping and handling. A real labor of love. Everywhere I go, people stop and ask me where I got my necklace. I actually asked Rebecca to send me business cards with one of my orders, and I ran out of them. Makes ...

Imagine you were 18 years old, riding on the back of a pick-up truck as you worked a summer landscaping job with your friends. You're about to go off to college, and this is your last summer all together as a group. Then the unthinkable happens. Your pick-up truck collides with an 18-wheeler. You're launched out of the back and thrown onto the road, where your leg gets trapped and you get dragged 324 feet along the asphalt.That's what happened to Scott Rigsby, who lost both of his legs as a result of that accident. For many years, Scott was lost and depressed, and couldn't figure out a purpose for his life. Then, while browsing at a bookstore, he saw two physically challenged athletes on the covers of magazines. Inspiration took hold, and in 2007, Scott became the first-ever double-amputee to complete the Hawaiian Ironman triathlon... yes, the one that's televised every year on NBC. It's a crazy physical challenge that even most able-bodied athletes can't co...

"Mommy, can we find some more of my toys to give away to babies who don't have any?" She wins.

Saturday "I got a cut on my finger ankle." (Also known as the knuckle.) Yesterday "Mommy, what are some of the situations when we might feel exasperated face?" "Well, if we wanted to color, but all our markers were dried out, we might feel exasperated." "And if we came home and found out that Kira ate our whole house, we might feel exasperated." "Well... yes. Yes, we definitely would." Today "Mommy, if you did poopies in your diaper, I would change you."

It started about 10 years ago, when I became a homeowner for the first time. I inherited my grandparents' old Electrolux canister vacuum-- which worked just fine, but was a serious pain to lug around and vaguely smelly, and by the end, was being held together with duct tape. May it rest in peace. What I had heard was that there was this magical vacuum called a Dyson that made people-- otherwise sane people-- actually like vacuuming. It was the strangest thing I'd ever read. First I figured they were members of Mr. Dyson's immediate family, but it was just too widespread. His family would have to be speed-typing insomniacs to write all those reviews. How in the world could anyone actually write out loud that they LIKE vacuuming? , thought I. And it went even further than that; people actually wrote words like "I love my vacuum!" and "Vacuuming is fun now!" It was just crazy enough that I decided then and there that someday I had to own a Dyson. A neighbor...

...to see something about Nick Markowitz on TMZ. I tend to forget that this is a "media-interest" case because it's become very personal to me. But it was a movie, and stuff that gets made into movies... winds up on TMZ, I suppose. It's just an odd clashing of cultures. I watch TMZ and other such entertainment shows from time to time when I need to completely turn off my brain and feel jealous of some celebrity in a bikini, or feel smug because I have my life put together better than Amy Winehouse and have not yet had my nose fractured by walking into scenery at the Tony awards. I check in on Brangelina's brood and find out what antics Richard Simmons is up to. I don't go there to find out about a 15-year-old murder victim. And when I saw an online caption, I secretly worried-- were they going to say something tasteless as usual? Nope-- just the quick facts about Jesse James Hollywood's guilty verdict. What a relief. Same with the other entertainment site...

The last picture taken of Nick Markowitz Today, a jury convicted Jesse James Hollywood of first degree murder and kidnapping. This conviction comes nine years after the crime: the murder of 15-year-old Nick Markowitz. He will be sentenced next week, and the only options are life in prison, or the death penalty. Given those options, I can say just one thing: YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the way on the opposite end of the country from the courtroom in California, I couldn't be there. Instead, I stayed on the computer, with 85 tabs open so I could refresh, refresh, refresh every potential source that might break the news first. A woman on the Honoring Nick Markowitz group announced it first... I cried when I saw the word "Guilty." Nick's parents, Susan and Jeff, have had to wait nine long years to talk about this publicly; all that time, either a judge or the DA's office had asked them to remain silent. There were four other trials before this one, all res...

Several months ago, Susan Markowitz contacted me to ask if I'd help her write her memoir. Her only son, Nick, was kidnapped and murdered when he was 15 years old. This was the basis of the movie Alpha Dog , which starred Justin Timberlake, Sharon Stone, and Bruce Willis. After seeing the movie and reading about her story, I knew this could be the most important book I'd ever write. Susan spent several years in and out of mental hospitals and attempting suicide. As she explained it, each time she told her story in a group, suddenly everyone else realized they didn't have any real problems. Susan's first letter came to me one day after I was in court fighting for custody of my daughter, and I was very down. It was as if God was flicking me in the head and saying, "Here's some perspective for you." I hate that Susan has to be that perspective. But nine years after losing her son, she is remarkably strong and put together, and ready to do great things. This we...

Why does no one use the past tense of the verb "garden?" Seriously. No one says, "I gardened today." Everyone says, "I did some gardening today." Well, because I am a linguistic rebel, I shall tell you that I gardened. And what I did when I gardened should truly astound and impress you, enough that I expect at least a few "ooohs" and "ahhhs" at the end of this post. I removed a shrub using nothing but a pair of old kitchen scissors and my bare hands. This is the shrub. These are the scissors. These are my bare hands. While I was performing this undeniably astounding feat (don't deny it, you denier), some form of beetle crashed into my ear, so hard that it drew blood, which I did not notice until I tried to pull my hair into a ponytail later and wondered how I got blood all over my ear. Furthermore proving, of course, just how much of an action-adventure heroine I am becoming. I am considering retitling this blog "Adventures of...

You remember how, just a few posts ago, I said my favorite part of the song "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" was when Sarina sang "I'm never gonna stop the rain by compwaining?" Well, without even warning me, she decided to start pronouncing her "l"s correctly now, so it's "complaining." It took all I had not to tell her she was saying it wrong and should go back to saying "compwaining." Darn you, progress! Darn you to heck! Her new favorite is when I sing "Anything You Want (You Got It)" to her. The other day, my dad said "You can have anything you want" when asking her what she wanted for a snack, and she said, "Roy Orbison sings that." But one of my new favorite Sarina moments came when we went to what was supposed to be a consignment sale at a community center, but when we got there, all the doors were locked. I had her in a carrier, facing me. I spotted a dad and young boy playing ball in th...

...here are the jobs I could do instead: -Personal sticker applicator. I am tremendous at applying decals to things that need decals. I got this train table set yesterday, and it came with about 8 thousand stickers to put all over the board. Depending on your point of view, it's either impressive or scary how anal I am about getting those stickers exactly right. -Children's audio book narrator. I inherited this gene from my mom. We read children's books with great enthusiasm, voicing all of the dialogue with appropriately timbers. -Expiration date checker at the grocery store. -Chocolate chip cookie taster. -The person who happens to be standing around at tourist spots so people can say, "Excuse me, can you take a picture of us?" and hand me their cameras. I really like doing this. I take great shots, and I imagine them later saying, "We totally asked the right woman to take this picture. Best picture ever." -Baby hugger. -American Idol judge. What? I ca...